What Does It Mean to be Thankful?

     With today being Thanksgiving, it's of course only natural to be thinking about what it means to be thankful.  I was contemplating this thought this morning, wondering about that very word.  I look around, and can't help but be "thankful" or appreciative for the unbelievable good fortune that is my life.  I have a great family, great friends, a great home, great health, enough money to be feel secure and without stress, and I live in a country where we have unprecedented freedom, safety, and prosperity, at least as it compares to nearly every other place on earth.  But while I can recognize all this good fortune, what does it really mean to be "thankful?"

     It seems to me that two people could be in identical circumstances and yet they could differ significantly in the degree of thankfulness they might feel.  Some of it surely has to do with their perspective.  One person sees all that they have while another sees all they don't have.  But I think that being thankful is more than just a mindset.  It's actually an active word.  I think if we're truly thankful, we express our thankfulness through our actions.

     The clearest way in which we express it through our actions is to help others who are less fortunate.  The very act of doing so is an acknowledgment that we appreciate how lucky we are, and are indeed thankful.  Today, as an expression of my thankfulness, I went to the WishUponAHero website and helped to grant a wish for a struggling woman in Indiana.  

     The woman is diabetic and struggling to meet her bills.  She was looking for help to purchase some winter clothes to help her keep warm.  She had posted her specific needs on a Walmart gift registry and so I was able to actually order her a pullover jacket and a couple of pair of pants in just the right size and have them shipped directly to her home.  One of the great things about this site, which I've referred to a number of times previously, is the way it helps strangers connect with other strangers and allows them to deliver exactly the help they most need.  Pretty amazing.  By the way, over 97,000 wishes have been granted in the past 5 years.

     What better way to express our thankfulness than to perform an act of kindness for someone else.

A Thankless Job -- No More

     With today being election day, I was thinking about our many local elected officials who spend so much time and effort working on our behalf, in most cases for no pay at all (School Board, Town Council, etc.).  It saddens me when I read letters-to-the-editor or online message board comments that speak with such anger and nastiness when criticizing local officials.  Many of them seem to suggest that anyone with a differing point of view must be part of some nefarious conspiracy to ruin our town.  I think it's the complete opposite.

     Call me naive, but I think nearly all our local elected officials serve our town out of a genuine interest in giving back to our community and they put it countless hours trying to make the best decisions they can while dealing with complex issues.  I may not always agree with every decision that's made, but I don't doubt the motive behind the decisions.  Tonight, I decided to write a note of thanks to one of our officials who will be "retiring" after this election.

     In my note, which was handwritten of course, I let this person know how much I personally appreciated his efforts as well as his accomplishments.  It's too often a thankless job, but not any more (at least for 1 night!).

Appreciating What We Have

     I've written before about some of the research that's been done examining the most common attributes of happy people.  Two of the attributes that consistently make the list are practicing kindness and showing gratitude.  From time to time this year I've tried to remind myself to slow down and feel and express gratitude.  Sometimes this is verbal and other times it takes the form of a thank you note.  Today it was the latter.

     I was enjoying playing golf on yet another spectacular September day and was appreciating the fabulous course conditions we have at my home course, Riverton Country Club.  While most courses ought to be in great shape given the recent good weather, not all, in fact, are.  It seems to me that Riverton is almost always in better than shape than most of the surrounding courses, regardless of the weather.  And this is true despite budget challenges and issues we have with water allocation.  I believe the credit for this goes to our golf course superintendent.

     Being a golf course superintendent is often one of those thankless jobs.  Everyone believes they're an expert on turf management and tree care, and they're not hesitant to whine and complain about why the course isn't one way or another.  In contrast, I just enjoy what's there and appreciate the work that goes into making it so nice.  Tonight, I sent a handwritten letter to our superintendent thanking him for his great work and letting him know how much I appreciate all that he does to keep our course in such great shape.  I'm not sure how often he gets thanked, but I'm guessing not very often.

     My anecdotal observations seem to confirm what the research shows:  happy people spend much less time complaining and much more time being thankful than do unhappy people.  The funny thing to me is that which we you see the world is entirely a personal choice.  Why would you choose to see things in a way that makes you unhappy?  I make happy choices each and every day.

Enjoying a Puppet

     Last night, we celebrated my father's 80th birthday (even if it was 3 weeks early!).  We were able to get all five of his children, together will all 5 spouses, and 6 of the 10 grandchildren to come to a surprise dinner we held at Riverton Country Club.  Besides having everyone there, the highlight of the evening was the entertainment.  My good friend, comedian Taylor Mason, performed after dinner and had everyone in stitches.  Among other things, Taylor is a ventriloquist, and at his suggestion, we had a puppet made to look like my father!  See the picture below.  It was definitely a huge hit!

     The puppet was created by a professional in Maryland who makes puppets for showbiz.  Working from pictures that I supplied, he produced a real masterpiece for us that will always be remembered.  Today, I made sure I reached out to him to let him know what a success it was and how much I appreciated his work.  I sent him an e-mail and I also called him.  I'm sure he values the feedback and likes to hear the stories of what happens with his creations.  

     Staying on the theme of appreciation, I also reached out to Taylor Mason as well as my contact at Riverton to let each know of my thankfulness for the job they did.  The evening really couldn't have been better and it was due, in no small part, to the work of a number of different people.  It's important to take the time to share specific and meaningful appreciation when it's well-deserved, as it certainly was here.

     

Thanking a "Sponsor"

     In an earlier blog I wrote a few months ago, I mentioned the CEO peer group organization, Vistage International.  It's an organization that puts together primarily CEO's for the purpose of providing executive coaching and peer support.  I've spent quite a bit of time so far this year speaking to Vistage groups all over the country, and I have many more already booked throughout the rest of the year.  It's been a great opportunity for me, and one that began with the recommendation of a friend/client.  Today I sent a thank you note to that person letting them know the impact they had.

     There's a book my wife read last year (I can't remember the name) by a guy who wrote a thank you note every day for a year.  Apparently it had an enormous impact on him and his outlook on life.  Thankfulness, or gratitude, in fact, is often mentioned as one of the "secrets" to a happy life.  As a part of this kindness project, I've been trying to increase my awareness of gratitude and trying to remember to express it more frequently.  Thank you notes are a good step in that direction.

Time for a Thank You Note

     As I've written about from time to time this year, kindness and gratitude seem to go hand-in-hand.  Interestingly, both are also on the short list of what most researchers have found are the keys to happiness.  For my part, I've found it useful to occasionally think about various people in my life for whom I'm thankful, and to let them know.  Today was one of those days.

     My wife and I both went to the College of William and Mary, in Williamsburg, Virginia, and my daughter Hannah is fortunate enough to be there now.  Among the many people we met when we were there so many years ago is a wonderful couple who have been a part of both the college and Williamsburg communities since the 1970's.  They've been good friends of ours for many years and have always welcomed us to use their home as if it were our own whenever we're in town.  

     In addition to having a home away from home, it's a great comfort to know that Hannah has an adult support network in Williamsburg (together with her grandparents who are also there now!).  There's nothing like old friends who you can count on and with whom you can always simply be yourself.  Today I sent these friends a note letting them know how much I appreciate them.

Say It With Pretzels

     Every Easter in our town, the volunteer firefighters from one particular station hold a flower sale to raise money for their annual activities.  We always try to support them and, in fact, just yesterday my wife brought home some flowers she bought there.  Volunteer firefighters are certainly some of the most amazingly selfless people in this world.  Think about what it must be like to stop whatever you're doing on a moment's notice to dash off and put yourself in sometimes dangerous situations - all for no compensation other than the satisfaction of knowing you're helping to protect your community.  Well today I decided to do just a small gesture to say "thank you."

     On Main Street in Moorestown we have a great Philly Hot Pretzel place where you can get the best soft pretzels literally right out of the oven.  As if to prove my point, when I stopped by there this afternoon, I had to wait 5 minutes or so because the next batch of pretzels were still baking.  When they were done, I bought 15 piping hot pretzels and drove over to the firehouse where the flower sale was being held.

     Milling around were 6 or 7 firefighters, looking like they had probably been working the flower sale since first thing in the morning.  I walked up to one of them and told him that I wanted to thank them for all their efforts on our behalf, and I gave him the bag of hot pretzels.  As you might imagine, that immediately got the attention of the rest of the crew as it was near lunch time and they were probably all pretty hungry.  Leaving them to enjoy the unexpected treat, I slipped out and headed on my way to run some other errands.

     I find that these types of small gestures are really fun to do.  They're so unexpected, and perhaps for this reason, so appreciated.  It never hurts to say thank you -- especially with pretzels (!) -- to those who do so much for our community.

     

Thanking Our Influencers

     As I've noted several times before, from time to time throughout this year I intend to take a moment to thank various people for their contribution to my life.  Today I chose to send a thank you note to a man who had an important influence on my own leadership style.

     For many years, I served on an advisory council for a large insurance company with which we worked.  We would meet twice each year with the senior executives of the company to exchange ideas and provide feedback.  For me, the highlight of these sessions was always the opportunity to watch and learn from the company's CEO.  He was truly an extraordinary leader, one who commanded respect not by his dynamic personality (he was anything but dynamic!), but by his personal credibility and integrity.  With his unwavering commitment to values, he inspired trust and confidence in all those who were around him.  He also possessed a great ability to explain strategy and corporate direction with wonderful simplicity and clarity.  It was a privilege to have a front row seat to observe him, as his style was a validation for me of how I thought a leader ought to be.

     It occurs to me that we each influence so many people with whom we come in contact, and in so many different ways.  In the great majority of situations though, we'll likely never know the influence we had. Once in awhile it's nice to reach out and let others know the impact they've had on us.  I'm glad I did so for this person today.

Saying Thanks With Cookies

       You may recall that yesterday I made dinner for a local family going through a difficult time as the result of a recent tragedy.  As part of that dinner, I baked one of my specialties - homemade chocolate chip cookies.  Since I was making them anyway, I decided I might as well make a larger batch and use them to thank a group that is often unappreciated - the police!

     Today I went over to the Moorestown police department and walked in with my plate of cookies.  When a woman at the front desk asked me if she could help, I explained that I wanted to give the cookies to the police to thank them for their work on behalf of the citizens of Moorestown.  She said she'd have to go find an officer and promptly disappeared behind a closed door.

     Five minutes later, a smiling sergeant emerged from the door to accept my cookies.  He wondered if I had called ahead and knew he was there because he happened to be a total fanatic about chocolate chip cookies!  I mentioned to him that too often people just complain about the police and that I wanted to say "thank you" instead.  He couldn't believe that I was bringing them in and he seemed so genuinely pleased by the gesture.  He couldn't stop smiling and he knew that the other officers would be equally thrilled.

     Once again I was struck by how such small gestures, especially when unexpected, can have such a huge impact.  It's definitely fun to create these experiences for people.

The Keys to Happiness

    

     A couple of weeks ago, I watched one of those "Ted" talks that someone had recommended.  If you haven't seen any of these, they're very short and are usually fascinating, and sometimes even inspirational.  This one happened to be by Shawn Achor, a Harvard psychology professor who has devoted his career to studying positive psychology.  Here's a link to his talk.

     In this particular talk, he discusses the impact of happiness and reveals the 5 most important practices that research shows lead to happiness.  Interestingly, one of those practices is doing random acts of kindness.  Another is showing gratitude every day.  This certainly resonates with my own experience.

     Today was another day where I decided to thank someone for a key contribution they've made to my success.  It was someone who was willing to give me a chance and "bet on me" and their support helped launch some of my current activities.  I wrote him a hand-written thank you note today, identifying the specific things I appreciated.  

     The other day I heard a song by Rodney Atkins called "Tips."  The song tells the story of a young singer who meets an older, wise man who gives him some important advice.  One of the things he tells the singer is to "treat people right on your ride up, and they'll have your back on your way back down."  Showing some gratitude to the people who help us is a pretty good step in this direction.

   

Kindness and Gratitude

     In yesterday's post, I mentioned the research that a friend e-mailed me about indicating that the top two things we can do to increase our happiness are to cultivate gratitude and to do acts of kindness.  Today I decided to work on the first one by writing another of my handwritten thank you notes.  I'll be doing this throughout this year (and hopefully beyond!).  I try to pick someone who has either had an important influence on me personally, or else someone who has made an impact on our community.  There are many people who devote their time, talents, and even money to make our communities better places.  So often they do this with little fanfare or acknowledgement; in fact, they're sometimes subject to petty criticism.  It's nice to let these people know that their efforts are appreciated. 

     In my hometown, a vibrant running community has sprouted over the past several years.  There are scores of runners, of varying ages and abilities, all working toward their own goals.  They share workouts, personal struggles and triumphs, laughs, training tips and advice, and, of course, comraderie.  You can find them meeting early in the morning and later in the evening, on weekdays and on weekends for long runs.  The central gathering spot for all this activity is our local Main Street running store - The Moorestown Running Company. 

    The store, but more importantly, the very real running community it has created, was mostly the product of one person's dream.  He put lots of personal financial capital into making it happen, and he continues to devote significant energy, enthusiasm, and creativity into helping to promote running.  While he does it out of a love for all things related to running, it's nonetheless important to recognize those efforts.  That's where my thank you note went today.

More Thankfulness

     One of the best ways we can show kindness is to take time to appreciate those who've had a positive influence on us, or our families.  Throughout this year, I intend to do a better job of recognizing those people and letting them know of my appreciation, usually through handwritten thank you notes.  Today was one of those days.

     I was thinking about my son today, as he's literally on the other side of the globe on a mission trip to 11 different countries over 11 months.  Right now he's in Uganda.  A little more than 2 years ago, he left for the University of Alabama, which certainly seemed and felt like a long way from home (though nothing compared to Uganda!).  As any parents of college children know, it can be difficult to send your child off into the world on their own, especially a first child, and especially when it's far away.

     Not surprisingly, Ben did fine on his own and managed to build a successful world around him with a positive peer group and a number of good adult role models.  I'm particularly appreciative of a number of professors, administrators, and community leaders that seem to have taken a keen interest in Ben and have proven to be big supporters of his in a variety of ways - well beyond the classroom and school environment.  Today I sent a thank you note to one of those people, letting them know how much I appreciate their support. 

     One thing I've been noticing a lot lately is that when I "reverse roles", it helps me to understand how much certain gestures can mean.  I mentioned this in yesterday's post, as well.  Realizing how much it means to me to receive a well thought out thank you note from someone I may have impacted reminds me how much it means to someone else when I do the same.  Realizing how much it means for a friend to call or visit reminds me that they value and appreciate my taking the time to call or visit them.  Realizing how much I appreciate a call from my children just to say hello, reminds me to be better about calling my own parents.  I suppose it's just another way of helping me to get out of my own private world in my head, and connect to the larger world around me.

    

Cultivating Thankfulness

     It seems to me that of all the habits we might want to develop for ourselves, cultivating a spirit of thankfulness is a pretty good one.  Throughout this year of intentional kindness, I think I'll set aside regular days to be more mindful of my good fortune, and more importantly, to express thanks and appreciation to some of the people who have played an important role in my life.  With that in mind, today I decided to write a thank you note to a woman who was central to the early years of raising our children.

       At the time my son was born, my wife was working alongside me in our burgeoning insurance practice, and we really weren't in a position to be without her.  Like many young parents, we were concerned about finding appropriate childcare and balancing our desire to be home with our children with the demands of a growing business.  Believe it or not, through an ad in the paper, we found a warm and loving woman who had always been a professional "nanny" and was just finishing a job with a family whose children were outgrowing their need for her.  For the next 4 years, she came to our home and took care of my son, and later my daughter, for 20 hours each week so that my wife and I could both continue to work.  She cared for them as if they were her own.

     Today, we occasionally hear from or see this woman, usually around the holidays when our kids are home from school.  I've often not been present for these get-togethers, as they're usually filled with "girl talk" and other topics that don't usually involve me.  In fact, one of those occasions was today.  And that's what got me thinking about how fortunate we were to have her, and how rarely I've let her know that.  Today I made a step toward correcting that.