Appreciating What We Have

     I've written before about some of the research that's been done examining the most common attributes of happy people.  Two of the attributes that consistently make the list are practicing kindness and showing gratitude.  From time to time this year I've tried to remind myself to slow down and feel and express gratitude.  Sometimes this is verbal and other times it takes the form of a thank you note.  Today it was the latter.

     I was enjoying playing golf on yet another spectacular September day and was appreciating the fabulous course conditions we have at my home course, Riverton Country Club.  While most courses ought to be in great shape given the recent good weather, not all, in fact, are.  It seems to me that Riverton is almost always in better than shape than most of the surrounding courses, regardless of the weather.  And this is true despite budget challenges and issues we have with water allocation.  I believe the credit for this goes to our golf course superintendent.

     Being a golf course superintendent is often one of those thankless jobs.  Everyone believes they're an expert on turf management and tree care, and they're not hesitant to whine and complain about why the course isn't one way or another.  In contrast, I just enjoy what's there and appreciate the work that goes into making it so nice.  Tonight, I sent a handwritten letter to our superintendent thanking him for his great work and letting him know how much I appreciate all that he does to keep our course in such great shape.  I'm not sure how often he gets thanked, but I'm guessing not very often.

     My anecdotal observations seem to confirm what the research shows:  happy people spend much less time complaining and much more time being thankful than do unhappy people.  The funny thing to me is that which we you see the world is entirely a personal choice.  Why would you choose to see things in a way that makes you unhappy?  I make happy choices each and every day.

Helping and Happiness

     As I was driving to an appointment this morning, I found myself in a line of cars stopped at a traffic light.  Along the median that divided the two sides of the street walked a man holding up a sign that said "I'm hungry.  Please help."  While I've often ignored these people in the past, today I wanted to help.  As I was about to pull out my wallet though, the light began to change.  Unfortunately there was no safe place for me to pull over without causing an accident and so I missed the chance to help him.  Two good things did happen, however.

     First, a person two cars in front of me rolled down his window and handed the man a banana and what looked like a muffin.  It was probably the driver's breakfast and it was so cool to see him offer it to the beggar instead.  Second, I was inspired by yet another example of the generosity that truly is prevalent, and yet, so often goes unnoticed and unreported.  It made me even more determined to be on the lookout today for opportunities to serve.  And sure enough, just such an opportunity presented itself within a couple of hours.

     On the way home from my appointment, I pulled into the parking lot of my local Wegmans to pick up a couple of items.  As I approached the store, I noticed a woman with one child on her hip and 2 other small children in tow, trying to get them all loaded into her minivan, along with a shopping cart filled with groceries.  I hesitated for just a moment, not wanting to frighten her, and then said to her, "Excuse me, ma'am.  Can I give you a hand loading all these groceries into your car?"  Not sure quite what to make of me, she also hesitated a moment but then said "Sure," as she certainly had her hands full.

     She had 10 or 12 plastic grocery bags to be unloaded and it probably took me no more than 2 minutes or so before I was done.  By that time her kids were safely seated in the minivan and she turned to thank me.  She looked somewhat quizzically at me and asked if I worked there.  I told her that I didn't and that I just saw that she looked like she could use some help and wanted to be of assistance, as I remember what it was like to have small children.  This seemed to surprise her (in a good way) and she thanked me several more times.  I had the feeling she was going to go home and tell her friends and family, "Wait till you hear what happened to me at Wegmans today!"

     It was so fun to offer unexpected help to a stranger, and it surely left me feeling happier and more energetic.  Several times this year I've mentioned some of the research that suggests that practicing regular kindness is one of the most common attributes of the happiest people.  I definitely understand this in a more visceral way, not just in an intellectual way.  It's strange how it works, but it absolutely does.  Maybe we're biologically wired that way intentionally.  I'm really not sure, but I can anecdotally say that nearly everyone I know reports that they feel happier when they are kind to others - a thought well worth pondering - and putting into action.

The Keys to Happiness

    

     A couple of weeks ago, I watched one of those "Ted" talks that someone had recommended.  If you haven't seen any of these, they're very short and are usually fascinating, and sometimes even inspirational.  This one happened to be by Shawn Achor, a Harvard psychology professor who has devoted his career to studying positive psychology.  Here's a link to his talk.

     In this particular talk, he discusses the impact of happiness and reveals the 5 most important practices that research shows lead to happiness.  Interestingly, one of those practices is doing random acts of kindness.  Another is showing gratitude every day.  This certainly resonates with my own experience.

     Today was another day where I decided to thank someone for a key contribution they've made to my success.  It was someone who was willing to give me a chance and "bet on me" and their support helped launch some of my current activities.  I wrote him a hand-written thank you note today, identifying the specific things I appreciated.  

     The other day I heard a song by Rodney Atkins called "Tips."  The song tells the story of a young singer who meets an older, wise man who gives him some important advice.  One of the things he tells the singer is to "treat people right on your ride up, and they'll have your back on your way back down."  Showing some gratitude to the people who help us is a pretty good step in this direction.

   

Help at the Grocery Store

     Today provided another opportunity to help people in small, but kind, ways at the grocery store.  My sister and I were on our way home after an afternoon out and needed to stop to pick up a few items for dinner.  When we were done shopping, we loaded the groceries into her car and I returned the cart to the front of the store.  As I was going back to our car, I saw an elderly man just finishing putting his purchases into his car.  I offered to return his cart for him to save him the effort.  Smiling, he said "Thanks", and then added, "That's very kind."

      When I was done and was about to get into our car, I noticed another elderly man struggling to move some things around in the trunk of his car so that he could get his bags in.  He seemed pretty frail and so I went over to offer my help and to return his shopping cart as well.  He gave me a big smile and said, "Oh, bless your heart.  You're a good man."  Then he offered a fist pump and said "Give me five!"

     Interestingly, when I was returning to our car one last time I passed a man sitting in his car with his window down.  As I went by he said, "That was a real nice thing for you to do."

    One of the things I've noticed about doing some of these small things is that the less I'm in a hurry, the easier it is to notice opportunities to help people and the easier it is to act upon them.  When I'm rushing to get things accomplished, I get annoyed at people getting in my way and I don't want to take the extra time to help people (in fact, I usually don't even notice the opportunities).  The fascinating thing to notice is that, more often than not, the sense of rushing around is often self-imposed, and even habitual.  We can get so used to rushing around that we maintain that mindset, even when we really don't need to.  As I work to let go of that mindset, everything becomes more relaxed, less stressful, and more pleasant.  I begin to notice more chances to help people, and as I do so, my world simply becomes a happier place.

     One other interesting note:  A friend of mine e-mailed me today and mentioned that she had seen a screening of a movie promoting happiness.  Apparently, the movie noted that the top two things you can do to create more happiness in your life is to cultivate gratitude and to perform acts of kindness!  This certainly matches my experience so far this year.