Appreciating What We Have

     I've written before about some of the research that's been done examining the most common attributes of happy people.  Two of the attributes that consistently make the list are practicing kindness and showing gratitude.  From time to time this year I've tried to remind myself to slow down and feel and express gratitude.  Sometimes this is verbal and other times it takes the form of a thank you note.  Today it was the latter.

     I was enjoying playing golf on yet another spectacular September day and was appreciating the fabulous course conditions we have at my home course, Riverton Country Club.  While most courses ought to be in great shape given the recent good weather, not all, in fact, are.  It seems to me that Riverton is almost always in better than shape than most of the surrounding courses, regardless of the weather.  And this is true despite budget challenges and issues we have with water allocation.  I believe the credit for this goes to our golf course superintendent.

     Being a golf course superintendent is often one of those thankless jobs.  Everyone believes they're an expert on turf management and tree care, and they're not hesitant to whine and complain about why the course isn't one way or another.  In contrast, I just enjoy what's there and appreciate the work that goes into making it so nice.  Tonight, I sent a handwritten letter to our superintendent thanking him for his great work and letting him know how much I appreciate all that he does to keep our course in such great shape.  I'm not sure how often he gets thanked, but I'm guessing not very often.

     My anecdotal observations seem to confirm what the research shows:  happy people spend much less time complaining and much more time being thankful than do unhappy people.  The funny thing to me is that which we you see the world is entirely a personal choice.  Why would you choose to see things in a way that makes you unhappy?  I make happy choices each and every day.

Thanking a "Sponsor"

     In an earlier blog I wrote a few months ago, I mentioned the CEO peer group organization, Vistage International.  It's an organization that puts together primarily CEO's for the purpose of providing executive coaching and peer support.  I've spent quite a bit of time so far this year speaking to Vistage groups all over the country, and I have many more already booked throughout the rest of the year.  It's been a great opportunity for me, and one that began with the recommendation of a friend/client.  Today I sent a thank you note to that person letting them know the impact they had.

     There's a book my wife read last year (I can't remember the name) by a guy who wrote a thank you note every day for a year.  Apparently it had an enormous impact on him and his outlook on life.  Thankfulness, or gratitude, in fact, is often mentioned as one of the "secrets" to a happy life.  As a part of this kindness project, I've been trying to increase my awareness of gratitude and trying to remember to express it more frequently.  Thank you notes are a good step in that direction.

Thanking Our Influencers

     As I've noted several times before, from time to time throughout this year I intend to take a moment to thank various people for their contribution to my life.  Today I chose to send a thank you note to a man who had an important influence on my own leadership style.

     For many years, I served on an advisory council for a large insurance company with which we worked.  We would meet twice each year with the senior executives of the company to exchange ideas and provide feedback.  For me, the highlight of these sessions was always the opportunity to watch and learn from the company's CEO.  He was truly an extraordinary leader, one who commanded respect not by his dynamic personality (he was anything but dynamic!), but by his personal credibility and integrity.  With his unwavering commitment to values, he inspired trust and confidence in all those who were around him.  He also possessed a great ability to explain strategy and corporate direction with wonderful simplicity and clarity.  It was a privilege to have a front row seat to observe him, as his style was a validation for me of how I thought a leader ought to be.

     It occurs to me that we each influence so many people with whom we come in contact, and in so many different ways.  In the great majority of situations though, we'll likely never know the influence we had. Once in awhile it's nice to reach out and let others know the impact they've had on us.  I'm glad I did so for this person today.

Little Gestures Go A Long Way

     Today's act of kindness was really the completion of something I started last night. I mentioned yesterday that I was consulting with a company regarding their corporate culture. Part of the process involved a large number of individual meetings with various members of their staff. The meetings were scheduled at 30 minute intervals and, as you might imagine, it was difficult to keep everyone on schedule all day long. It took a great deal of coordination and plenty of adjustments on the part of my administrative contact at the client. She did a fabulous job keeping us on track and I wanted to show her my appreciation.                       

     Though I certainly let her know verbally, I thought that a small extra gesture would be meaningful. Of course, I was at my hotel thinking about this at 8:30 last night! I decided to get her a small bouquet of flowers that I could deliver first thing today when I would be resuming my work. It required a little help and a bit of driving to eventually find a place where I could buy fresh flowers at 9:00 on a weekday night, but I did it. When I arrived at the client's office at 8:00 this morning, I gave her the flowers. She was certainly surprised, and quite appreciative. I know the extra effort I went through to make it happen was well worth it. While I didn't do it for this reason, I also know that she'll work that much harder to help me out in the future as well.

Kindness and Gratitude

     In yesterday's post, I mentioned the research that a friend e-mailed me about indicating that the top two things we can do to increase our happiness are to cultivate gratitude and to do acts of kindness.  Today I decided to work on the first one by writing another of my handwritten thank you notes.  I'll be doing this throughout this year (and hopefully beyond!).  I try to pick someone who has either had an important influence on me personally, or else someone who has made an impact on our community.  There are many people who devote their time, talents, and even money to make our communities better places.  So often they do this with little fanfare or acknowledgement; in fact, they're sometimes subject to petty criticism.  It's nice to let these people know that their efforts are appreciated. 

     In my hometown, a vibrant running community has sprouted over the past several years.  There are scores of runners, of varying ages and abilities, all working toward their own goals.  They share workouts, personal struggles and triumphs, laughs, training tips and advice, and, of course, comraderie.  You can find them meeting early in the morning and later in the evening, on weekdays and on weekends for long runs.  The central gathering spot for all this activity is our local Main Street running store - The Moorestown Running Company. 

    The store, but more importantly, the very real running community it has created, was mostly the product of one person's dream.  He put lots of personal financial capital into making it happen, and he continues to devote significant energy, enthusiasm, and creativity into helping to promote running.  While he does it out of a love for all things related to running, it's nonetheless important to recognize those efforts.  That's where my thank you note went today.

Help at the Grocery Store

     Today provided another opportunity to help people in small, but kind, ways at the grocery store.  My sister and I were on our way home after an afternoon out and needed to stop to pick up a few items for dinner.  When we were done shopping, we loaded the groceries into her car and I returned the cart to the front of the store.  As I was going back to our car, I saw an elderly man just finishing putting his purchases into his car.  I offered to return his cart for him to save him the effort.  Smiling, he said "Thanks", and then added, "That's very kind."

      When I was done and was about to get into our car, I noticed another elderly man struggling to move some things around in the trunk of his car so that he could get his bags in.  He seemed pretty frail and so I went over to offer my help and to return his shopping cart as well.  He gave me a big smile and said, "Oh, bless your heart.  You're a good man."  Then he offered a fist pump and said "Give me five!"

     Interestingly, when I was returning to our car one last time I passed a man sitting in his car with his window down.  As I went by he said, "That was a real nice thing for you to do."

    One of the things I've noticed about doing some of these small things is that the less I'm in a hurry, the easier it is to notice opportunities to help people and the easier it is to act upon them.  When I'm rushing to get things accomplished, I get annoyed at people getting in my way and I don't want to take the extra time to help people (in fact, I usually don't even notice the opportunities).  The fascinating thing to notice is that, more often than not, the sense of rushing around is often self-imposed, and even habitual.  We can get so used to rushing around that we maintain that mindset, even when we really don't need to.  As I work to let go of that mindset, everything becomes more relaxed, less stressful, and more pleasant.  I begin to notice more chances to help people, and as I do so, my world simply becomes a happier place.

     One other interesting note:  A friend of mine e-mailed me today and mentioned that she had seen a screening of a movie promoting happiness.  Apparently, the movie noted that the top two things you can do to create more happiness in your life is to cultivate gratitude and to perform acts of kindness!  This certainly matches my experience so far this year.