What Does It Mean to be Thankful?

     With today being Thanksgiving, it's of course only natural to be thinking about what it means to be thankful.  I was contemplating this thought this morning, wondering about that very word.  I look around, and can't help but be "thankful" or appreciative for the unbelievable good fortune that is my life.  I have a great family, great friends, a great home, great health, enough money to be feel secure and without stress, and I live in a country where we have unprecedented freedom, safety, and prosperity, at least as it compares to nearly every other place on earth.  But while I can recognize all this good fortune, what does it really mean to be "thankful?"

     It seems to me that two people could be in identical circumstances and yet they could differ significantly in the degree of thankfulness they might feel.  Some of it surely has to do with their perspective.  One person sees all that they have while another sees all they don't have.  But I think that being thankful is more than just a mindset.  It's actually an active word.  I think if we're truly thankful, we express our thankfulness through our actions.

     The clearest way in which we express it through our actions is to help others who are less fortunate.  The very act of doing so is an acknowledgment that we appreciate how lucky we are, and are indeed thankful.  Today, as an expression of my thankfulness, I went to the WishUponAHero website and helped to grant a wish for a struggling woman in Indiana.  

     The woman is diabetic and struggling to meet her bills.  She was looking for help to purchase some winter clothes to help her keep warm.  She had posted her specific needs on a Walmart gift registry and so I was able to actually order her a pullover jacket and a couple of pair of pants in just the right size and have them shipped directly to her home.  One of the great things about this site, which I've referred to a number of times previously, is the way it helps strangers connect with other strangers and allows them to deliver exactly the help they most need.  Pretty amazing.  By the way, over 97,000 wishes have been granted in the past 5 years.

     What better way to express our thankfulness than to perform an act of kindness for someone else.

Feeling Lucky?

     This evening I was looking on the Wish Upon A Hero website and was struck by the many, many people who are struggling to make ends meet and are in need of small favors to help keep them afloat in difficult times.  I read the story of a husband and wife with 4 children who are living in a hotel right now and have exhausted various government programs that might help to keep them from becoming homeless.  Though the husband works, he only gets paid on the days in which there is work to be done, and this is not always consistent.  They're looking for help paying for tonight's room.  I took care of it.

     It's impossible to read most of these stories and not feel for the difficult predicament so many are in.  It's equally impossible to read them and not feel a greater sense of thankfulness for the good fortune that I and most of my friends and family enjoy.  Sure I've worked hard and used my talents to be successful, but I also had an awful lot of luck.

     For those who don't think of themselves as lucky, we need only consider the staggering odds that we would be born into the circumstances that we were.  Of the several billion people in the world, there was nothing but good luck that caused me to be born in the US, in a great family, healthy, and with strong talents versus being born in an impoverished third world nation with little hope to ever go beyond bare subsistence living.  I was born into opportunities that a tiny fraction of 1/100th of 1% of the world's population will ever know.  I'd call that pretty darn lucky. 

     If you're ever feeling unlucky, take a moment and go to the Wish Upon A Hero site and read some of those stories.  Better yet, share some of your good fortune and grant somebody's wish.

Helping Out Another Family

     It's been awhile since I've granted a wish through one of my favorite sites, Wishuponahero.com.  As you may recall, this is a site that connects people who need help (wishers) with those who are able to provide that help (heroes).  To date, over 94,000 wishes, large and small, have been granted!

     Tonight I decided to help out a family in Birmingham, Alabama.  This is a single parent family with 4 children whose dryer just broke.  They needed just a little help paying for the repairs.  It certainly didn't impact me much to assist them, and yet, the impact to the family can be significant.  It was my pleasure to make a difference for them.

     Each time I go to the Wish site, I'm struck by the thousands of examples of true generosity.  Nearly always, these are strangers helping other strangers.  The heroes will likely never meet or personally know those to whom they've given help.  Their only reward is the satisfaction of knowing they made a difference.  While the daily news may be filled with stories of doom and gloom, it's my observation and experience that the vast majority of people are actually extraordinarily generous.  It's a shame our view gets so distorted by the few examples of the opposite.

Helping a Disabled Veteran

     There are literally endless numbers of people who need endless amounts of help.  To be candid, sometimes it's overwhelming even to think about it, and it can be difficult to figure out the most appropriate way to help and the appropriate amount with which to help.  No matter how much assistance we offer, we could always do more and there will always be more people who need that help.  I honestly don't know how best to answer this dilemma, other than to make sure I at least keep doing something.  Tonight, I decided to go back to wishuponahero.com, and find someone to help.

     As I read through the stories of so many desperate people in need of assistance, I settled on the opportunity to help a disabled veteran and his wife as they struggle to pay their utility bills and stay in their home.  I can hardly imagine how difficult this must be, and further, how difficult it must be to swallow your pride and ask strangers for help.  I made a contribution to the family, though it likely only put a small dent into their sizable challenge.  I realize that it's just a start for them, and that it won't solve all their problems, but at least I helped.

Sending A Card to the Troubled

     Several times this year I've mentioned the website WishUponAHero.com.  It's a truly amazing site that connects people who have needs (called "wishes") with people who are willing to help out (called "heroes").  Since it's beginning only a few years ago, more than 92,000 wishes have been granted.  It's an extraordinary testament to the willingness and capacity of people to help each other - even complete strangers.  Tonight I decided to pick a wish to be granted.

     Not all of the wishes necessarily involve money and, this time, I wanted to find one that was more about emotional support than it was about money.  It didn't take long before I read the story that a woman posted about her husband and his challenges.  It seems that he's only 48 but is disabled due to MS and a severe case of diabetes as well.  As you might imagine, he's pretty down and his wife is asking for people to pray for him and to send him cards of encouragement.  I sent her a message initiating the process so that I can send him a meaningful card.

     Within about 15 minutes of having sent the message, I received a reply from the woman giving me her husband's name and address.  I wrote out a card to him and it will be in tomorrow's mail.  

     I lead such a fortunate life with so much to be thankful for.  As a result, it's often difficult for me to truly appreciate, in a visceral way, the suffering and the challenges that so much of the world's population faces on an almost daily basis - both in the US and abroad.  Communicating with and assisting "real" people with "real" challenges helps me to connect in a way that's so much more than academic.  

Granting Another Wish

     Over the past months, I've several times mentioned the extraordinary website Wish Upon A Hero.  It's a site that helps to connect people who have needs (small and large) with people who are willing to help them out.  Amazingly, in the 5 years since the site was started, more than 91,000 wishes have been granted.  Tonight, I decided to add to that number.   

     I read on the site about a man whose niece suffers from a serious brain disease.  One of the few pleasant things the niece is able to experience is  being pushed in a stroller around a local lake.  The man is trying to raise money to buy a tandem bike/stroller that will enable the family to more easily take the niece for rides.  It was my pleasure to be one of a number of people making contributions to help the family to be able to purchase this item.

     One of the observations I've had over this year is that most people are inherently kind and want to help each other out.  Taking the time to read the stories posted on websites like wishuponahero.com can renew your faith in the decency and generosity of people.  As we all know, the news is so often focused primarily on sensational stories of bad things happening.  Being constantly bombarded with these stories can cause us to have a jaded, and distorted, view of the world.  I've come across so many amazing people, stories, websites, and movements this year that I'm convinced there's far more good in the world than bad.

Granting a Simple Wish

     I was tied up in meetings almost the entire day today so had little opportunity to deliver one of my typical acts of kindness.  Thankfully, I always have some ideas in my back pocket, like going to one of my favorite sites, Wishuponahero.com.

     As I perused some of the wishes that had been posted, I found a woman who described the "wakeup call" her family had been given about their health.  It seems that the whole family is dealing with high blood pressure and diabetes, and the woman recognizes the need for them to improve their nutrition and to begin to exercise.  She was looking for some input and advice on these topics.

     Having been a lifelong runner, and having helped many people begin and sustain exercise programs over the years, I have many thoughts and ideas on this topic.  I responded to the woman's request by sharing a few ideas and then inviting her to e-mail me for much more detailed suggestions.  Hopefully I'll hear back from her and can offer her more assistance.

     Lest people think that being nice always involves gifts of money, granting this wish is yet another example of ways to be kind that don't cost anything at all.  More than half of my intentional acts of kindness, in fact, do not involve any financial cost, and I try to make it a point to keep a strong mix of types of acts.  There are indeed lots of ways to be kind.

Blogging from the Road

     For the next 10 days or so my blogging may be a bit sporadic as I'll be on a cruise in Europe and can't be sure of the reliability of internet access from day to day.  For now, I'm actually in Monte Carlo (!) and am able to get on the internet for the first time.

     I'm traveling with my sister and our first day was spent mostly flying through the night and arriving in Monte Carlo pretty jet lagged.  After getting into our hotel, napping, working out, and having a late dinner, I'm finally getting a chance to post this before bed.  I didn't see any particular great opportunities during the day today (to be honest, I was probably operating at half-speed), but didn't want to use traveling as an excuse for not honoring my kindness commitment.  Thankfully, as I've written about before, the internet can always be used to find ways to help people.  Tonight I decided to visit Wishuponahero.com, and look for a wish I could grant.

    Choosing a woman in Massachusetts who is disabled mother of 3, I read about her need to buy summer clothes for her children.  I went online and bought her a gift card to Target and had it sent to her with a note from me.  

     In many respects it's a strange juxtaposition.  I'm at a hotel in one of the wealthiest areas in the world.  Parked in front are Ferraris, Bentleys, Lamborghinis, Rolls, are more.  And then I read about the real life struggles of people like the woman whose wish I helped to grant.  She (and many like her) struggle on a daily basis just to make ends meet in the most rudimentary kinds of ways.  Regardless of whether this contrast is "fair" or "right" or any other adjective we may want to choose, I think it's important to stay grounded in the reality of the challenges people face and to pitch in to help where we reasonably can.

A Lesson from the Other Side

     Today was an interesting lesson on being on the other side of the kindness equation.  Let me tell you what I did first, though.  The back spasms I mentioned yesterday were no better today so I was pretty much unable to do anything.  Not wanting to miss a day on my commitment, I went back to Wish Upon a Hero and looked for another person I could help.  I found a young man who had lost everything in a house fire.  Friends were taking up a collection to help him get back on his feet and I made a contribution to the cause.  It may not go that far, but in conjunction with the contributions from many others, hopefully it will make a difference.

     My real learning today came from having to ask for and be the recipient of the kindness of others.  My back spasms continued to be pretty debilitating, making it difficult for me to walk or move around much.  Since I was unable to drive, by wife had to take my daughter back to college while I tried to manage at home.  At a certain point, I realized that I needed to either get to an emergency room or at least get some kind of muscle relaxant prescribed.  I really hate to ask for help (I know that can be silly), so it took a lot for me to finally give in and call my sister-in-law and ask her to get me to an ER.  Of course she was glad to help and came right over.

     As it turned out, I also called my doctor and he was able to call in a prescription to my pharmacy, which my sister-in-law picked up for me.  She and my brother also brought over dinner this evening.  I know they were glad to help, as I would be if they or anyone else called me.  In fact, it can be rewarding to know that someone needs you and that you can be of service to them.  Yet, even knowing this, it's tremendously difficult for many of us (definitely for me!) to ask for that help.  I'm sure the reasons are many and are complex - from wanting to be self-sufficient, to not wanting to impose, to a host of other factors.  One would think that since I've been so focused on doing acts of kindness this year, I'd be more sensitive to being on the receiving end.  I suspect that learning to ask for help and to receive it gracefully is as important as learning to give help.  It's something I'll be thinking more about as the year progresses.

It's Not Always Convenient

     Time for a little honesty here.  This isn't always easy or convenient.  Sometimes it's even a pain in the neck.  Sometimes I feel some pressure to think of something to do.  Sometimes I want to take a day off.  Sometimes I don't feel like thinking about others - especially when I have my own issues going on.  But that's exactly why I created this challenge for myself in the manner that I did.  Committing myself to do an act of kindness every single day forces me to get outside of my own needs and and consider how I can help others.  And it's that daily commitment that eventually creates a habit, and that habit eventually creates a new way of being.  So in some bizarre kind of way, I almost like the tough days because that's when I learn and grow the most.

     So where did all that come from?  Today I was laid up for much of the day with some severe lower back spasms.  They came on fairly suddenly after my morning run and made it difficult to move around or even to concentrate.  My plans for the day, including a few good ideas for acts of kindness, had to be shelved.  

     Thankfully, I can still work on my computer, and there's no shortage of ways to help people through the internet.  I went to Wish Upon A Hero (a site I talked about earlier this year) and selected a person who needed help.  It was a woman in North Carolina whose husband is on disability and couldn't afford to pay their utilities this month. I contributed some money to at least close some of the gap and hopefully others will do so as well.  It didn't take long before I had a heartfelt thank you e-mail from her.  It's truly hard to imagine what it must feel like to be in that position.  That's no doubt worse than back spasms.  

We Can All Be Heroes

     A few years ago, a couple of friends of mine created a truly amazing website to help facilitate connections between people who had needs and people who were willing to help.  The site is called Wish Upon A Hero (www.wishuponahero.com).  Amazingly, in that short amount of time, over 88,000 wishes have been granted!  Today I registered on the site and granted my first wish.

     The site lists thousands of wishes from people all over the world with needs from as small as baby formula or used clothing to as large as a car.  You can search by type of need, dollar amount, geographic region, age of recipient, and a host of other criteria to select a wish that fits your desire or ability to help.  The site then enables you to connect directly with the person in need and to grant the wish.  Those who grant wishes are called Heroes.  

     As I looked through the wishes and read comments from wishers and Heroes, I was struck by how much generosity exists in the world.  Too often we hear about all the bad stuff when, in fact, all around us there are so many people with so much compassion and willingness to help others.  The internet, and a site like this in particular, enables people to find each other more easily so that this generosity can play out on a broad scale.  Taking a moment to check out the site will renew your faith in humankind.  I'll definitely be going back often.