Spreading Inspiration

     Today I had the opportunity both to inspire and to be inspired.  Let me explain further.

     Somewhat coincidentally, I had been scheduled to give two different talks about my kindness project today.  The first one was for a Rotary club in my hometown.  There were about 60 business and community leaders present, and I had the chance to explain what my project was about, tell some fun stories from my year of kindness, and then share some of my lessons learned.  A number of people came up to me afterwards, and some wrote to me as well, to let me know how my talk was inspiring to them and was motivating them to want to spread more kindness.  

     Later in the afternoon, I gave another similar talk to a group of students at a local high school.  While I'm told that I was an inspiring example to them as well, truth be told, I found the students themselves to be even more inspiring.

     The students are all part of a club based on a program called Rachel's Challenge.  Rachel Scott was the first student killed in the Columbine tragedy back in 1999.  Apparently, Rachel was a pretty amazing young woman who demonstrated kindness every day and who believed in the contagious power that kindness has to make a difference in our world.  In her memory and honor, and to keep her spirit and dream alive, Rachel's family created the concept of Rachel's Challenge.  It's a program to engage students, primarily at the high school level, in creating and spreading a culture of kindness in their schools and communities.  

     Hearing about the students' activities, and seeing their dedication and enthusiasm was inspiring to me.  It reminded me just how contagious this kindness thing can be.

     I was also reminded about this during a breakfast conversation with a friend this morning.  The friend is a subscriber to my blog and he told me today how reading my stories has increased his awareness of the opportunities for kindness that were all around him, and more importantly, how that greater awareness has translated into him doing acts of kindness that he likely wouldn't have done previously.  That's always great to hear.

     And one final kindness note for the day, I stopped on my way home today and picked up a nice bouquet of roses for my wife, just because.

The Year Is Complete

     Well, today was day number 369 (366 days of 2012 + the last 3 days of December 2011)!  I can remember back last December discussing with my daughter Hannah what I was thinking of taking on, wondering if I'd be able to think of things to do every day, wondering if I'd miss any days, wondering if I'd have enough to write about each night.  I'm proud to say that I did, in fact, think of something every day, did not miss a single day, and did have something to write about each night.  And today was no different.

     Continuing with the sense of symmetry I alluded to a few days ago, I decided to finish my year by going back to something I did on just my 2nd day (see that blog post here).  I delivered flowers to the very same nursing home in which I began the year.

     I had my daughter with me today and we went to Wegmans to pick out a nice mixed bouquet.  And believe it or not, I still have no idea what kind of flowers they were, except that they were colorful.  Originally I was going to find a stranger to give them to, but Hannah suggested it would be nice to go to a nursing home where there might be some lonely people who don't have anyone  with whom to celebrate tonight and who might get a real lift from receiving flowers.  So that's exactly what we did.

     We went to the reception area where there was a somewhat bored looking man in scrubs covering the front desk.  I explained that I needed his help and that I wanted him to choose someone who could really benefit from the flowers and that he should give them to that person.  He thought for a bit, and then came up with a name.  I left it to him to deliver them and we were on our way.

     I was a bit surprised to notice that I did feel something different this evening, having now completed my year.  Tomorrow I'll post a blog summarizing some of my thoughts and observations for the year.  For now, suffice it to say that I mostly feel proud and satisfied to have taken on such a significant and worthwhile challenge, and to have completed it with such discipline, commitment, and most importantly, intentionality.  More on that tomorrow . . . 

Who Gets the Flowers?

     It's been awhile since I gave flowers to a stranger and so I figured today was as good a day as any to make someone feel special.  While I was picking up a few items at Wegmans, I stopped in the flower section and picked out a nice colorful bouquet (of course, I have no idea what kind they were - but they were definitely colorful!).  Though sometimes I just "play it by ear" in terms of choosing a recipient, today I had something specific in mind.

     Quite near my house we have a nursing home that specializes in working with patients who have Alzheimer's.  I swung by there on my way home and entered the lobby, flowers in hand.  When I got to the reception desk, I saw a nurse standing there talking to the receptionist.  Telling her that I needed some help, I presented her with the flowers and explained that I wanted her to give them to someone she felt could use some cheering up.  The nurse gave me a look of amazement, together with a big smile, and exclaimed, "That is so nice.  Who are you?"  I gave her my name and just said that I'm someone who likes to do nice things each day.  Watching this transpire, the receptionist looked at me and said that in her whole life, she's never seen anything like that happen.  I hope she begins to see more of it!  With that, I quietly headed on my way.
     I've witnessed this type of reaction many times throughout these past months.  It's as if people don't quite know how to process what seems like random kindness - especially from a stranger.  It doesn't fit what they know or expect of people, and so they're confused.  They're delighted too, but definitely confused.  
     This act definitely touched more than just the patient who will ultimately receive the flowers.  In fact, it may likely have more impact on the nurse and the receptionist than on the patient.  And hopefully, that impact creates a spark in them that causes them to do an intentional act of kindness for someone else as well.
     

Flowers With A Twist

     It's been awhile since I've given flowers to a stranger so I thought today might be a good day for that.  To mix it up, I did something slightly different this time, and I also had an interesting exchange with someone.  Here's what happened:

     I went to Wegmans where I often go for fresh flowers, and I picked out a colorful bouquet (don't ask me what kind of flowers they were!).  I hadn't quite decided yet who I'd give them to, but as I was leaving the store, a woman saw me and said, "Oooh. . . . are you in trouble with someone?"  I know she was joking, but still, it was an interesting reaction.  I responded that I was giving them to someone just to be nice.

     With the flowers in my car, I headed to the "other side" of town to look for someone to be my recipient.  I was thinking of going to the shopping center that has a laundromat and a dollar store and choosing someone there.  However, as I was approaching the center, I passed a garden apartment complex and had another idea.

     I took out a piece of paper and wrote, "Please enjoy these flowers as a gift from a stranger.  All I ask is in return is that you do something nice for someone else."  Then I took the note and the bouquet and I placed them on the front step of one of the apartments where they'll be seen by the residents when they return home from work.

     As is always the case with anonymous acts, I'd love to be a fly on the wall to hear their reaction and to see what, if anything, they do for someone else.  Alas, I'll have to be satisfied with having set the ball in motion and trust in the universe that I've at least starting something good.

Flowers on a Gloomy Day

     Today was one of those cloudy, rainy, gloomy days where the sun seems like a foreign concept.  While we sure needed the rain, sunny days are a lot more fun.  Since it's been quite a while since I last delivered flowers to anyone, I figured today would be a good day for that.

     After I completed everything I needed to do today, I swung by Wegmans to pick up a colorful bouquet of mixed flowers.  While I've sometimes given them directly to a stranger, today I decided to brighten the day of someone in a nursing home.  Right near my house is a home that caters specifically to patients with Alzheimer's and/or Dementia.  

   Carrying the flowers, I walked into the home and approached the receptionist, a woman named Jill.  I explained to her that I wanted the flowers to go to one of their patients who could use some  good cheer on a day like today, and that I'd leave it to her to choose the recipient.  She was surprised and pleased, and after accepting the flowers, said that she'd let the nurses choose the right person.  I simply thanked her and left.

     I'm guessing that Jill probably thought this was a pretty strange event as I didn't even leave my name or anything.  In some ways, gestures like these can be really rewarding in their simplicity and their anonymity.  Someone is going to get a nice surprise, they'll never know who provided it, and I'll never know exactly what happened or how it affected them.  But I do know that the world is just a little nicer for that person today than it was yesterday.

More French Flowers

     We arrived in Marseilles, France this morning – our last port before getting to Barcelona and heading home tomorrow.   The excursion I signed up for was a ride through the French countryside to a town called Aix-en-Provence.  It’s a beautiful city that was founded by the Romans more than 2000 years ago.  After walking around the city and visiting the many bakeries and outdoor markets, I decided that I should make one last attempt at giving flowers to a stranger in Europe.

     With all the outdoor markets, it was easy to find a place to buy a nice, yet inexpensive bouquet.  This time I even knew what type I bought – yellow roses!  Flowers in hand, I went looking for just the right person to give them to.  Right away I saw a young girl (probably about 10 or 12 years old) being pushed in a wheelchair by her father.  I offered her the flowers but her father declined, and moved past me.  I suspect he didn’t trust me and was being suitably protective of his daughter.  Undeterred, I continued my search.

     I was looking for a single woman as I thought it would be awkward to offer the flowers to a woman who was with her husband/boyfriend or to two women since I only had one bouquet.  After about 5 minutes, I saw a middle-aged woman who looked like she was visiting the markets alone.  I walked up to her and offered the flowers.  At first she declined them, not sure what I was doing.  Thankfully she spoke a little English and I explained that I wanted her to have them and to have a nice day, at which point she asked, “Don’t you have a wife or girlfriend who would want them?”  When I explained why I had bought them, she finally accepted them with a smile and her thanks.  Then she said she wanted to give me a kiss on the cheek, after which we each went our own way, happier for the exchange.

     While it’s admittedly a ridiculously small sample size on which to base any conclusions, I suspect that strangers probably don’t react to unexpected acts of kindness much differently in Europe than they do in  the U.S.  At first, most people are suspicious, not understanding what I’m up to and wondering what the catch is.  Once they realize there is no catch, though, they typically accept it with a smile and sincere thanks. 

     One last observation:  Once again, I was so focused on doing my act, that I forgot to take advantage of the potential “pay it forward” opportunity.  I could easily have asked her to do something nice for someone else today in exchange for the flowers and I think she would have been totally fine with that.  In fact, it may even have made it easier for her to accept them, as she would have been “paying” for them in some way, rather than simply accepting a free gift for no reason.  Oh well.  I’ll have to keep working on that.

Flowers in Saint-Tropez

       Our ship arrived in Saint-Tropez, France this morning and by 10:00 or so most people had been transported to shore by a series of “tender” boats.  Saint-Tropez is one of those European seaside resorts where the super-wealthy dock their massive yachts.  It’s an old town with narrow cobblestone streets, tons of cafes and restaurants, and artists selling their paintings on the sidewalk.  The large outdoor markets finally gave me the chance to do an act of kindness I had been thinking about for the past few days.

     What I had wanted to do was to buy some fresh flowers and offer them to a stranger.  I was curious to see if there would be any difference in reception in Europe vs. America.  As it turned out, my plans changed slightly so I’m still not sure of the answer.

     I found a market where they were selling flowers among many other things, and I chose a couple of different ones from which to make a bouquet.  As usual, I have no idea what kind they were, but there were purple ones and white ones.  Though the vendor didn’t speak any English I was able to convey what I wanted easily enough.

     With my bouquet in hand, I wandered the streets of Saint-Tropez looking for just the right person to give them to.  If they didn’t speak English I wasn’t sure how I was going to explain why I was offering them flowers.  After a little while of looking, I switched my plans a little and decided that instead of a stranger, I would bring the flowers back to the ship and give them to our housekeeper, Oka.  She’s always so pleasant and cheerful and does a great job; and I figured she’s probably never gotten flowers from a guest before.

     When we made it back to the ship, Oka happened to be in the hallway near our room so I had the perfect opportunity to present them to her.  As I approached, she asked if I wanted a vase, assuming they were to go in our cabin.  She seemed surprised and pleased when I said they were for her and that I wanted to thank her for taking such good care of us.  With a smile, she accepted them and said she’d put them in her cabin right away.

     It felt great to provide Oka with the flowers, though I’m still curious about whether strangers might react differently here than in the U.S.  Tomorrow is our last day before heading home, so I might just try that one again if the opportunity presents itself.  We’ll see . . . 

Flowers at the Hospital

     One place where I haven't yet been on my kindness journey is to a hospital.  That is, until today.  By their very nature, hospitals must be filled with lots of people who are hurting and could use cheering up.  I figured that flowers from an anonymous stranger might just be the right prescription.

     Swinging by Wegmans, as usual, I picked up a colorful bouquet of fresh spring flowers.  Don't ask me what kind they were because I honestly don't know!  Anyway, I wrote out a note to go with the flowers that said, "An anonymous friend is thinking of you and hoping you're feeling better," and I headed toward our local hospital.

     Not being that familiar with hospitals, I wasn't quite sure exactly how I was going to do this.  I walked into the main lobby and found a busy reception area.  When a woman asked if she could help me, I answered, "yes."  Handing her the flowers and note, I explained that I wanted to give them to some patient that she thought could use some cheering up, and that I would leave it to her to determine the best recipient.  She said she thought that was "so nice" and turned to show the others at the reception desk.  I was gone with little fanfare - in and out in less than 2 minutes.

     As with all the anonymous acts, I'll never know who got the flowers or how it impacted them.  I hope that my note causes them to wonder which of their friends may have been the anonymous donor and therefore to think kindly about the people who may be in their life.

     Another notable thing happened as I was leaving the hospital that's worth mentioning.  A woman, who was perhaps a visitor, saw and heard me deliver the flowers.  As I walked by her, she half-jokingly asked "where are my flowers?"  While I believe this was said mostly in jest, it does reflect an interesting point of view.  Her first thought was not about what she could do for others or how she could also deliver flowers for someone.  Rather, it was about why she wasn't getting what someone else was.  Had I thought of it at the moment, I might have asked her what she could do to make someone else's day.  It might have been a fascinating, and possibly impactful, exchange.  Unfortunately, it all happened so fast that I didn't think more about it until a few minutes later.  

     There have been a few instances like that this year where I've been so focused on accomplishing what I set out to do, that I didn't stay present to the situation at hand and as a result, missed out on an opportunity to have a bigger impact.  I'll have to work on that.

You Don't Bring Me Flowers

     Today seemed like a good day to make a stranger smile with some flowers.  As usual, I went to Wegman's where they have a nice selection of pre-made bouquets for reasonable prices.  I picked out a bunch of what I think were red carnations.  I know all the women reading this will laugh at the fact that I hardly know a carnation from a daffodil from a rose or a daisy, but that's OK.  They looked nice whether I knew what they were or not!

     I had decided that I would give them to someone in the parking lot who looked like the "right" person. To be honest, I'm not really sure what my exact criteria were for determining "right", but I figured I'd know it when I saw it.  I didn't really want to give them to a couple, or to a guy, or to someone who looked too rushed.  Finally, I saw a woman who looked like the perfect person.  As I approached her and offered her the flowers to wish her a good day, she seemed pleased, but also surprised - maybe even a bit confused.  She wasn't quite sure what to make of me or why I was giving her the flowers.  When I explained that it was nothing more than wanting to spread some kindness and make people feel better, she really opened up and was so happy. She revealed that she was a nurse and a single Mom and that no one ever gave her flowers. It was clear that it had genuinely made her day.

      A common theme that I've observed throughout this year is that true, unexpected acts of kindness, with no strings attached, mystify people to an extent.  It's as if they have no paradigm for how to process or understand it, so it's even sometimes hard to accept it.  I'm not sure yet what to make of that, but it's interesting to see nonetheless.

Little Gestures Go A Long Way

     Today's act of kindness was really the completion of something I started last night. I mentioned yesterday that I was consulting with a company regarding their corporate culture. Part of the process involved a large number of individual meetings with various members of their staff. The meetings were scheduled at 30 minute intervals and, as you might imagine, it was difficult to keep everyone on schedule all day long. It took a great deal of coordination and plenty of adjustments on the part of my administrative contact at the client. She did a fabulous job keeping us on track and I wanted to show her my appreciation.                       

     Though I certainly let her know verbally, I thought that a small extra gesture would be meaningful. Of course, I was at my hotel thinking about this at 8:30 last night! I decided to get her a small bouquet of flowers that I could deliver first thing today when I would be resuming my work. It required a little help and a bit of driving to eventually find a place where I could buy fresh flowers at 9:00 on a weekday night, but I did it. When I arrived at the client's office at 8:00 this morning, I gave her the flowers. She was certainly surprised, and quite appreciative. I know the extra effort I went through to make it happen was well worth it. While I didn't do it for this reason, I also know that she'll work that much harder to help me out in the future as well.

Flowers Get A Smile

     As I've quickly learned, on some days opportunities to perform an act of kindness present themselves quite readily while on other days they simply don't.  On those occasions, it's always good to be able to rely upon some standard (but still kind) acts that have worked before - like flowers or Starbucks gift cards, etc.  Today was one of those days where I needed to pull out an old idea.

     I was visiting my parents today and was not out "in public" that much, so had limited opportunity to scope out a good chance to be kind to someone.  When I went to a local grocery store to pick up a prescription I thought I might see a chance.  (I've found that grocery stores are great because there are lots of people and many of them can use some assistance.)  As I was entering the store, I spotted an older gentleman walking slowly with a cane.  Thinking that I might be able to help him carry bags to his car later, I kept an eye out for him in the store; but he ended up emerging with only one small package.  Not seeing any other appropriate opportunities, I went to an old stalwart - the flowers.

     I picked out a small bouquet of colorful flowers, bought them, and then tried to decide who I should give them to.  My first thought was to find someone in the parking lot, but I just didn't see the right situation to do it, so I got into my car and headed back to my parents' neighborhood, looking for just the right recipient.  Not seeing anyone on the street, I decided to stop in at the community center where there's an office and information desk.  

     As I walked in I saw a woman at the desk handling a phone call.  When she was done and asked if she could help me, I explained to her that I had bought these flowers wanting to give them to someone to wish them a nice day, and asked if I could give them to her.  She smiled and responded that she "never turns down flowers."  She wanted to know who I was.  While my flowers are typically given namelessly, she asked me directly so I told her my name.  "Oh, are you Stan's son?" she asked.  "He's such a doll.  We all love him here!" she continued.  With my mission accomplished, I wished her a great day and left.

     It will probably take me most of this year to discern the patterns of who is comfortable accepting a gift from a stranger and who isn't, as I'm sure it's affected by the circumstances, the nature of the gift, and the way in which I approach them, to name just a few factors.  Clearly approaching someone sitting behind a desk is much less threatening than when I walk up to a stranger, especially a woman, in a parking lot.  Either way, it was nice to make someone smile.