It's Not Always Convenient

     Time for a little honesty here.  This isn't always easy or convenient.  Sometimes it's even a pain in the neck.  Sometimes I feel some pressure to think of something to do.  Sometimes I want to take a day off.  Sometimes I don't feel like thinking about others - especially when I have my own issues going on.  But that's exactly why I created this challenge for myself in the manner that I did.  Committing myself to do an act of kindness every single day forces me to get outside of my own needs and and consider how I can help others.  And it's that daily commitment that eventually creates a habit, and that habit eventually creates a new way of being.  So in some bizarre kind of way, I almost like the tough days because that's when I learn and grow the most.

     So where did all that come from?  Today I was laid up for much of the day with some severe lower back spasms.  They came on fairly suddenly after my morning run and made it difficult to move around or even to concentrate.  My plans for the day, including a few good ideas for acts of kindness, had to be shelved.  

     Thankfully, I can still work on my computer, and there's no shortage of ways to help people through the internet.  I went to Wish Upon A Hero (a site I talked about earlier this year) and selected a person who needed help.  It was a woman in North Carolina whose husband is on disability and couldn't afford to pay their utilities this month. I contributed some money to at least close some of the gap and hopefully others will do so as well.  It didn't take long before I had a heartfelt thank you e-mail from her.  It's truly hard to imagine what it must feel like to be in that position.  That's no doubt worse than back spasms.  

Caring Cards

     As you may have noticed by some of my recent posts, I've been fascinated by the power of the internet to connect people who would otherwise never have known about each other.  Generous and creative people have set up tons of websites that allow us to help each other in so many different ways.  Today I found another great site devoted to making the lives of children struggling with illness a little bit brighter through receiving cards and e-mails.  

     The site is called Hugs and Hope for Sick Children.  If you go to the link you can read all about it.  It's a pretty amazing organization started by one woman in the Chicago area.  Like I had done with another site recently, I chose a child and sent him a handwritten note.  He's a 10-year old little boy who suffers from muscular dystrophy.  The site tells me enough about his interests that I could make the note personal.  Hopefully my card will make him smile.

The Keys to Happiness

    

     A couple of weeks ago, I watched one of those "Ted" talks that someone had recommended.  If you haven't seen any of these, they're very short and are usually fascinating, and sometimes even inspirational.  This one happened to be by Shawn Achor, a Harvard psychology professor who has devoted his career to studying positive psychology.  Here's a link to his talk.

     In this particular talk, he discusses the impact of happiness and reveals the 5 most important practices that research shows lead to happiness.  Interestingly, one of those practices is doing random acts of kindness.  Another is showing gratitude every day.  This certainly resonates with my own experience.

     Today was another day where I decided to thank someone for a key contribution they've made to my success.  It was someone who was willing to give me a chance and "bet on me" and their support helped launch some of my current activities.  I wrote him a hand-written thank you note today, identifying the specific things I appreciated.  

     The other day I heard a song by Rodney Atkins called "Tips."  The song tells the story of a young singer who meets an older, wise man who gives him some important advice.  One of the things he tells the singer is to "treat people right on your ride up, and they'll have your back on your way back down."  Showing some gratitude to the people who help us is a pretty good step in this direction.

   

E-mail Does the Trick

    Today was my regular weekly day to write to my adopted soldier in Afghanistan - but it was different from all the previous days.  That's because I've finally heard back from him - by e-mail!

     I've documented here several times how challenging it is to carry on a one-way conversation, never being entirely sure if my letters or care packages were even being received.  While the Soldiers' Angels website emphasizes the importance of keeping up the flow of mail even though you may never hear back from your soldier, it's still admittedly hard to do.  In my last letter, I decided to at least include my e-mail address.  

    Yesterday, I woke up to see that I had an e-mail from my soldier!  He was so glad I had given him the e-mail address and was apologetic that he hadn't been able to get stamps to mail anything back to me.  He was so appreciative of the letters and care packages.  I've now learned so much more about his family, his interests, and even a little about what his unit is doing in Afghanistan.  As I wrote back today, I had so much more energy and enthusiasm as there was so much for us to talk about.  

     I'll continue to send him some letters via "snail mail" because I know it's still important to have the experience of receiving mail; and of course I'll continue to send care packages.  Now I can create packages that are more tailored to his needs and wants.  In the meantime, though, score one for the value of technology in helping to bring people together!

Two Stories and Two Lessons

     Today I want to share two stories of very simple acts of kindness.  Though they were simple in scope and effort, they each had lessons for me to contemplate.     Here's what happened:

     The first story was another Wegman's grocery cart one.  As I was coming out of Wegman's today I noticed an elderly woman very slowly loading groceries into her car.  It was clearly difficult for her and so I went over to see how I could help.  By the time I got there, she was done but I asked if I could return the grocery cart back to the store for her.  She smiled and told me she'd appreciate that.  

     As I got back to my car and thought about what had taken place, I noticed that my attitude toward older people has really shifted (of course, some of this may be because I'm getting closer to that age!).  I'm embarrassed to admit that I've often gotten frustrated when dealing with many seniors.  I've usually been in a hurry and gotten annoyed that they take so darn long to do anything or to move out of the way.  I haven't always had the patience (or the sensitivity) to appreciate the challenges they face.  

     Since I'm now so much more focused on looking for opportunities for acts of kindness, seniors have become like manna from heaven.  They so often need and appreciate some help.  Of course, I've also tried to be particularly sensitive to offering help in a way that preserves dignity.  It can be demoralizing to need the assistance of others for simple daily tasks.  Offering help in a quiet, gentle way can make it easier for someone to accept that help without sacrificing their pride.

     The second story I want to share happened after I attended another high school basketball game today. Since it was a sectional championship game, there was a packed house.  Predictably, the parking lot was jammed after the game as people tried to make their way home.  Exiting the lot meant lots of rows of cars trying to merge into just one or two lanes.  I watched as some people aggressively pushed their way in front of others or refused to yield space for cars trying to work their way into the exit lane.  Whenever I saw this, I decided to go out of my way to give other people an opportunity to get in front of me.  This was always greeted with an appreciative wave.

     As I reflected on this experience, I noticed how automatic or reflexive it's become for many people to "fight" their way through crowds or traffic.  I've certainly been guilty of this many times.  By staying aggressive and refusing to yield a spot, we may get out of the lot two minutes earlier.  Is that really worth the stress, anxiety, and tension that typically accompanies an aggressive attitude?  I think not.  As I've started to focus more on kindness, I'm better able to recognize the silliness of my previous attitude.  Being kind is so much more relaxing and enjoyable.  Of course, it's nothing more than a simple shift in perspective - and it's available to all of us.

   

Writing to Children Across the Sea

     I have another great website to share with you.  This one also comes courtesy of my fellow blogger Eric Winger.  It's called Post Pals and it allows you to connect and become pen pals with seriously ill children.  Let me explain more about it and how I used it today.

     The site was started by two young women in England who have struggled with serious, debilitating illness for many years.  Recognizing how isolating it can be when you're homebound, and seeing how much it meant to receive mail from the outside world, they began this program to facilitate other sick children getting lots of mail.  When you go on the site, you can see pictures and read the stories of the children.  Then you can select one or more to write letters or e-mails to.  For privacy and safety, the addresses are forwarding ones, not the actual addresses of the children.  It's amazing to read the stories and also to read accounts of how much it means to them to receive mail.

     I selected one particular 6-year old boy who suffers from a serious case of leukemia.  Since there was a way to e-mail, I figured I'd do that first since he would receive my message so much faster that way.  I sent him off a nice message introducing myself, telling him a little about my family, and asking him some questions.  The site gives lots of information about his interests so it was easy to make relevant conversation.

     I've said it before, but I continue to be amazed at the power of the internet to allow people to connect with, help, and support each other in ways that would otherwise be impossible.  What a great way to share kindness.

     As a follow-up to a similar post from a few days ago (Connecting Helpers Across the Globe), I heard back from the kindergarten teacher for whom I had created the flashcards with sound.  She was so excited to get them and was eager to share them with her students.  It's amazing to think that I'll probably never meet her, and yet I was able to help her out in a very practical and meaningful way.

     

Community Connections

     Today was the annual Rotary Pancake Breakfast in my home town of Moorestown, NJ.  I'm not sure how many years this event has been held, but it's at least 25 or 30.  The event is co-sponsored by the two Rotary clubs in town - the Afternoon club and the Breakfast club to which I belong.  It's a fun event and is one of our biggest fundraisers of the year.

     Working alongside nearly 100 other Rotarians, I spent the morning pouring coffee, cleaning tables, putting out place settings, and chatting with lots of guests from all over town.  In addition to simply performing my assigned jobs and being nice to people, I tried to look for opportunities to be of extra assistance.  Since the breakfast draws in buses of seniors from local assisted-living communities, there were plenty of people who needed just that little bit of extra help - things like opening a container of syrup, finding a packet of Equal, or getting an extra napkin.  These weren't anything major, but done quietly and gently, they made enjoying the breakfast that much easier for some guests.

     As I left the breakfast, I was thinking about all the people I had seen and talked with who I know from so many different circles - neighbors, teachers, high school classmates, Rotarians, running friends, golfing friends, business acquaintances, and even a family for whom I babysat more than 30 years ago!  I suppose it's that sense of community, of connectedness, that draws many people to small towns like ours.  I wonder if it's in our DNA to want/need those connections, and I wonder what impact our largely transient society and its lack of connectedness has on people.  Perhaps that's why social media sites like Facebook have become so popular.  In some ways, they help satisfy the need for community in a fast-paced, mobile world.  It's still hard to beat chatting with people face-to-face, though.

   
   

Kindness Starts at Home

     When I set up my "rules" for this project, I noted that I wanted the vast majority of my intentional acts of kindness to be for people outside my immediate circle of friends and family, but that I also didn't want to overlook the opportunity to be kind to those closest to me.  Today I decided to do something closer to home.  Here's what happened:

     My wife left a couple of days ago to pick up our daughter from college since next week is her spring break.  They were due to return by mid-afternoon today.  Knowing how nice it is to return to a clean and orderly house and not to have to immediately be thrust into thinking about shopping, dinner, and other logistics, I figured I could take some steps to make that transition easier.  First, I made sure the house was straightened up and everything was put away, especially in the kitchen.  Then, I did the grocery shopping for most of the basic staples that we had run low on.  Most importantly, I then took care of every aspect of putting a great meal on the table - from shopping to setting the table to preparing the entire meal.  Afterwards, my daughter and I took care of the dishes as well.  

     I know it wasn't all that big of a deal, but that's mostly how kindness works.  It's simply the act of thinking about others and acting upon ways that we can make their day just a little bit better.

Connecting Helpers Across the Globe

      I'm really excited to write about today's act of kindness because it opened my eyes to a world of opportunities I would have never known about.  I have to thank Eric Winger, a fellow kindness blogger (click here for his blog) for this idea.  In one of his posts, he mentioned a site, www.sparked.com, where people can easily volunteer to help a variety of non-profits.  

     The site essentially matches people who have skills and a desire to help, with people and organizations who need that help.  When you log into the site, you choose which causes you have a passion for (e.g. education, the environment, poverty, hunger, animals, civil rights, etc.), and then select which skills you have (design, marketing, research, brainstorming, copywriting, social media, etc.).  The site then matches your passions and skills with currently listed "challenges" that have been posted by non-profit organizations.  

     I responded to two challenges today.  The first was from a Canadian organization that sends medical help aboard ships to serve impoverished populations.  They were simply looking for ideas about thanking donors.  Many people had responded and I contributed some of my thoughts.

     The second challenge took a little more effort.  A kindergarten teacher in an inner-city school was looking for someone to create PowerPoint flashcards she could use to help her students learn new words.  She had posted a document explaining exactly what she wanted.  I was able to create the cards for her, based on what someone else had started.  I then took it one step further (responding to her best case scenario) and created a version that included a link on each card where the student could click to self-check by hearing the word read aloud.  I then posted both versions for her to download.  How cool is that?

     I'm continually amazed at the power of the internet to connect people literally across the globe who would otherwise have no way of ever knowing each other, communicating with each other, or helping each other (remember my post about Wish Upon a Hero).  I'm also continually amazed at the incredible generosity that most people show.  It seems to me that most people have an inherent willingness, perhaps even desire, to help others.  Sometimes it simply takes the right tools to enable that capacity to materialize.  

My First Drive

     A couple of weeks ago I had written about signing up through the American Cancer Society to be a volunteer driver for patients who needed help getting to and from doctors' appointments.  The program is called Road to Recovery and attempts to help as many patients as possible who might otherwise have no way of getting to their appointment.  On Monday I had my program training and today I did my first "ride."

     I had been given the name and address of the woman for whom I was to drive, and according to protocol, I called her a few nights ago to confirm.  Someone else was going to drop her off at the doctor's office at 11:00, and she was expecting to be done around 4:00.  My job was to pick her up and drive her home.  I gave her my cell phone number in case she got done much earlier or expected to be much later.

     As luck would have it, my cell phone buzzed while I was having lunch with a friend.  Not expecting her to call that early, I didn't look at my phone until we were done with lunch.  Sure enough, my patient had called and was already done by 1:00!  After calling her back, I was on my way.

     When I got to the doctor's office, she was waiting patiently.  She had a walker to lean on as she moved slowly out the door and to my car.  After helping her in and folding up her walker, we made the short drive to her home.  Though I had printed directions, I had left them at home since I wasn't expecting to pick her up this early.  I wasn't concerned because I figured she could easily direct me to her house once we got to her neighborhood.  Surprisingly, she got a little confused as we got close and we had to drive around a little until she got her bearings.  I'll be driving her again next Thursday (both ways) so at least I now know where she lives!

     As I drove home after delivering her safely and accepting her appreciative thanks, I was thinking mostly about how fortunate I am to be so healthy.  As trite as it is, when people say that "if you've got your health, you've got just about everything," it's really true.  Beyond whatever form of cancer this woman had, she had so many other physical challenges as well.  Her poor eyesight, significant weight, respiratory issues, and a host of other challenges made negotiating something as simple as getting in and out of a car or walking into or out of a building extraordinarily difficult.  No doubt the routine things we take for granted as part of our daily lives present meaningful obstacles for patients like today's passenger.  I suppose the best thing I can do is to 1) help out where I can, 2) continue to take good care of myself, and 3) cherish and appreciate my good fortune.