A Parting Gift

     Today was my last drive for the American Cancer Society for awhile as my schedule gets pretty crazy for the next month or so.  It also happened to be for a patient for whom I've driven several times now.  I think there's only been one other time this year that I've driven the same person multiple times, so this was a little unusual.  Given our familiarity, we were quickly able to pick up on conversations we had previously begun and to go much deeper on some topics as well.  This patient used to be an avid reader, particularly of mysteries, though he hasn't been reading much lately.  He lamented that fact and had announced in one of our previous conversations that he wanted to get back to reading again.  This gave me an idea.

     One of the authors we both particularly enjoy is John Grisham.  When I drove this person last week, I was just working my way through the latest Grisham novel that came out in October.  It's called, The Racketeer, and I had told my patient a bit about it.  I swung by Barnes & Noble earlier this afternoon, picked up a hardcover version for him, inscribed a message, and then wrapped it up.  After his treatment today, I gave it to him to enjoy.  This is his last week of radiation, and hopefully diving into this book will get him back to the kind of reading that brought him so much joy over the years.

     Earlier during our ride today, on the way to the hospital, my patient asked if I would be driving him any other day this week.  When I said that I wouldn't be and that this would be my last time, he said, "That's a shame."  I have a feeling that he enjoyed the chance to have rich conversations with someone beyond simply talking about the weather.  I try to take my cue from each patient as to how much and/or what type of conversation they want to have.  I certainly don't want to pry and I want to be sensitive to their condition.  However, what I've noticed most often is that most of the people really want to connect on a personal level, not just on the surface.  It's possible that this is as important to them as the ride itself.  And I enjoy it more that way as well.

Another Ride

     Today I did another of my Road to Recovery Rides for the American Cancer Society.  I was actually driving a patient for whom I've already driven, so the routine was familiar.  While on the way to his treatment we began with the typical small talk about the storm, somehow we ended up talking more about his cancer and the doctor's prognosis that he has about a 15% chance of surviving for 5 years.  He wasn't resigned to this being a certainty, but it definitely affected his outlook on life.  

     After his treatment was over, we got on the topic of books and movies.  He is remarkably well read and he knows every movie ever made!  I think he was disappointed when we reached his home as he could have talked forever.  I had the feeling that having someone to talk with and someone who will listen was just as important as having someone to drive him.  I suppose that's often the case for many people, particularly as they get older.

Another Ride

     This afternoon I did another one of my "cancer rides."  This is what I call the times that I volunteer, through the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery Program, to help a cancer patient by getting them to and from their doctor's appointment.  As is usually the case, I'm given the patient's name, phone number, address, and the time and place of the appointment.  I then call the patient to let him/her know who I am and to arrange the details.  

     Today, I picked up an elderly gentleman who was in the second week of a 4-6 week daily regimen of radiation.  Even for those who have strong family support, arranging for daily rides for 6 weeks can be daunting.  That's why this program is so vital for people.  Anyway, he was quite talkative and I learned all about his family, the work he did before retirement, his military service, and how he came to buy his 130-year old house - and this was just on the ride to the appointment!  I enjoyed his company though, and I know how much he appreciated the assistance.  I'm actually scheduled to drive him four more times over the coming weeks, so I'll have a further chance to get to know him better.  

     While I try to use this blog for my own reflections and not to solicit action on any one else's part, I will say that this is a truly important program and if you can spare a little time during your week, I'd encourage you to call your local chapter of the American Cancer Society and ask about volunteering for the Road to Recovery effort.

Driving Mr. Daisy

     This morning I did another of my drives for the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program.  As is customarily the case, I was given the patient's name, address, and phone number, along with the details of his appointment time and place.  I was to pick him up this morning around 9:45 and bring him to an appointment at a hospital in Philadelphia.  After calling to confirm the time for pickup, I was on my way.

     Like most of the patients I've driven, he was particularly friendly and talkative, as well as being incredibly appreciative of me and the American Cancer Society.  He wasn't hesitant to tell me about his cancer and that this was the 25th of his 27 visits for radiation treatment.  I learned about how supportive his wife and 4 grown children have been and that I was the 5th or 6th volunteer driver he'd had, providing much needed relief for his daughter who has driven him to all the other appointments.  I learned all about his career before he retired, about all 4 of his children - where they live and their occupations, and about his 7 grandchildren.  And of course we talked about the Eagles!

     Not surprisingly, when we got to Philadelphia, he knew all the routines from the valet parking at the hospital to where people can get coffee in the waiting room.  I didn't have to wait long before he was done and we were on our way home.  

     This was about my 8th or 9th ride since I started in the spring, and it continues to be one of my favorite acts.  I enjoy meeting new people, and I can undoubtedly, and very directly, see the impact this program has on people's lives.  Without volunteers, though, the program simply wouldn't exist. It's definitely a great way to make a difference, as well as being a great reminder of the good fortune I have to be healthy!

Road to Recovery

     I've written before about the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program.  This is the program through which volunteers drive cancer patients to their doctor or hospital appointments.  Many times, these patients literally have no other way of getting to their necessary treatment.  Occasionally, I'll get a call from the Society's volunteer coordinator asking if I can fulfill a specific ride request.  This evening, she sent an e-mail to all the local drivers with a listing of 31 requests coming up in the next 5 weeks or so, asking for help.  While I have a lot of travel coming up, I was still able to find room in my schedule to volunteer for 5 assignments.

     Among the many things I've done this year, this activity ranks pretty high on my list of favorites.  I suppose it's because it's so real and tangible.  By that I mean that I can very directly see the impact of my action.  I've met lots of interesting people and they're so appreciative.  When you stop and think about it, it's a great example of the genuine kindness of people.  Total strangers are taking a good chunk of their time to help others in need.  These aren't friends, relatives, or loved ones.  They're strangers.  I think that's what makes the program so compelling.  

     I'm looking forward to discovering who I get to meet over the coming weeks.

Patience for Patients

     Today was my second (and final) week driving the patient I described last week to his doctor's appointment.  This week, of course, I knew more about what to expect - particularly as it relates to understanding his thick Nigerian accent.  He's a big sports fan, so we were quickly able to get into the debate about the severity of the sanctions levied upon Penn State, the start of the Eagles' training camp, tonight's Phillies' game, as well as the upcoming Olympics.  I also learned more about his family and the 29-year old autistic son who lives with him.

     Every time I do one of these drives I'm reminded of what a great program it truly is.  This man needed a ride to the doctor's for 20 consecutive days to receive his radiation treatment.  I literally don't know how he would have managed this without the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program.  Without a pretty strong support network, it's a lot to expect for anyone.  

     And candidly, as a driver, I benefit too.  I get to know interesting people who I would have otherwise never met, and I get the satisfaction of knowing I made an important difference at a critical time in their lives.  A pretty good deal all the way around.

Riding Along

     Today was the 6th time this year that I've driven a patient to a doctor's appointment through the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program.  As is the custom, I get the name, address, and appointment details in advance and then usually call the patient a few days before to introduce myself and agree upon a pickup time.  I was told that today's patient was a little hard to understand over the phone (I had to leave a message), so I was curious to see what I would find.

     I picked up a delightful man who I'll call F.  He was indeed a bit difficult to understand as he had a fairly strong foreign accent, so it took extra concentration to listen carefully to him.  I asked lots of questions and learned that he was from Nigeria originally, and came over here in his early 20's during the Nigerian Civil War.  With the assistance of the Red Cross, he was able to get to England, and then eventually to the US where his family settled in the Washington DC area.  He explained to me the problem with corruption in Nigeria where oil money is too often used to enrich individuals rather than develop the country.  F. has 5 grown children (a son and 4 daughters), he's a big Eagles' fan as well as a college football fan, and he used to be a bookkeeper for a local company.  He was a fun guy to get to know and it was a pleasure to be able to support him with a ride.  I'll actually be driving him next Monday as well.

     Here's something I've always noticed about people with a foreign accent:  too often, I'm embarrassed to say, I find myself treating them as if they're not intelligent.  It's as if their inability to communicate easily in English, in my mind, gets confused with their ability to understand things.  Obviously I know that this isn't necessarily the case at all.  If I were speaking a language other than my native tongue, I might not communicate that well and it wouldn't be a reflection of my level of intelligence.  And yet, I too often find myself getting caught in this self-inflicted trap.  What usually helps me to let go of this habit is when I ask questions, particularly ones that require insight, and then pay careful attention to the answers.  This often helps me to hear beyond simply the halting words that may be offered.  I suppose being a better listener is in itself a form of generosity or kindness.

Another Drive

     This afternoon, I did another one of my rides as part of the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program.  As usual, I was given the name and address of the patient, and the time and place of his doctor's appointment.  I called him several days ago to introduce myself and confirm the pickup time.  

     He was waiting for me outside his apartment building when I arrived.  After folding up his walker and stowing it in the backseat, I helped him with the seatbelt and we were on our way.  He was plenty talkative and we conversed the whole way there.  While drivers are taught not to ask about people's diagnoses or treatment, it's OK to engage in whatever conversation people may initiate.  On the ride back home, my client talked a bit about his cancer diagnosis and I was a willing ear.

     Like others I've driven before him, he was tremendously appreciative for the ride and couldn't say enough about how valuable this program is to him and others in his situation.  Partially for that reason, these rides have definitely become among my favorite kindness acts this year.  More so than some of my acts (particularly the anonymous ones, I suppose), I get to really see the impact, on a very personal level, of the work that I'm doing.  That's pretty rewarding.

On the Road Again

     As I mentioned in last night's blog post, today I had agreed to do another patient drive as part of the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program.  This is the program that matches volunteer drivers with cancer patients who are in need of transportation to their appointments.  It was yet another great experience.

     I had gotten an e-mail and phone call from the patient services coordinator at the Cancer Society because they had a last minute request for a patient needing a ride to the appointment in the morning and then back home in the afternoon.  Since I already had another commitment for the morning, I offered to drive her home if a 2-way driver couldn't be found.  Apparently this was agreeable and I was given the "assignment."

     As usual, the patient was tremendously appreciative.  We had a great conversation on the way home as I learned about her upbringing, her children, and her grandchildren.  She was one of those people who I suspect is nearly always happy.  My sense is that she lived a very fulfilling life, and she was pleased to have most of her immediate family living pretty nearby.  By her demeanor, one would never even know she had cancer.

     I don't mean at all to suggest here that people who have a serious illness like cancer can just smile their way through it and it won't affect them.  But I do wonder what impact, if any, this woman's attitude and perspective on life might have on how she deals with her illness.  Admittedly, I don't know a thing about any of these patients' diagnoses or their treatments.   I only know that's it's fascinating to get to know them, to observe their similarities and differences, and to know that I'm providing a much-needed and appreciated service to them.

Another Ride

     This afternoon I picked up a patient from her chemo treatments and gave her a ride back home.  It was actually the same person I had driven a week or two ago so I think her familiarity with me made it that much more comfortable for her.  As we did the last time, we had plenty to talk about as we filled each other in about our families and their lives.  Here are just a few of my reflections from this activity:

• As I sat in the doctor's office and waited for her to be released from her treatment, I couldn't help but notice how difficult it must be to work in a place where there seems to be so much suffering.  To their credit, the staff seemed to be upbeat and positive.  The patients, though, truly are gravely ill.  It must take extraordinary compassion to be there to support them on a daily basis.
• When I dropped off my patient and helped her up the steps to her house and then turned to go home, I tried to imagine what the rest of the day would be like for her.  Her spouse died a few years ago after a long period of illness.  Her children are grown and she lives alone.  Though she does not come across as someone lonely or depressed at all, I couldn't help but wonder how it must feel to deal with her illness alone.  Maybe her children come to visit each night; I don't really know.  But there must be thousands and thousands of patients who face the frightening prospect of illness and old age mostly alone, with minimal, if any support network.
• It really is rewarding to be able to help people through this particular program.  I enjoy getting to know the people, and it's clear that I'm making a difference for them.  When you stop and think about it, it's really quite remarkable, and heartening, to realize how many people volunteer in programs like these - helping total strangers for no other reason that because it's needed.  It's another reminder that people really are mostly good.

     Tomorrow I've agreed to do another ride for a last-minute request.  More on that tomorrow night . . . 

Providing A Lift

     This morning I drove a patient to a doctor's appointment as a part of the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program.  I've mentioned this program in previous posts and it's rapidly becoming one of my favorite acts of kindness to do.  It's clearly one of those great examples of a kindness that benefits both the giver and the recipient.

     My assignment was to pick up a patient from a nearby town and drive her to her doctor's office.  As is the custom, I called her a few days in advance to introduce myself, give her my cell phone number, and let her know what time I'd be picking her up.  Though I got there a few minutes early this morning, she was ready and waiting for me.  Walking is not easy for her so I helped her to the car and we were off.  As we drove, I learned all about her family, we exchanged stories, and it even turns out that her cousin is a friend of mine from Moorestown.  When we arrived, I helped her inside and she couldn't thank me enough for my assistance.

     I think the reason I enjoy this activity so much is that I can so readily see how much the help means for those in need.  Imagine how challenging it must be to deal with a diagnosis of cancer and then imagine that you have no way of even getting to your doctor appointments or treatments.  This is a truly valuable service.  But the other reason I so enjoy it is that I meet the most interesting people.  They're almost always happy to talk and they have such fascinating things to share.  Definitely one of those "win-wiin" situations.

A Kind Day

     Today was one of those days where nothing exceptional happened but I tried to do a variety of small, kind things throughout the day.  In some respects, that's really what this project is all about -- cultivating a mindset of kindness so that it permeates everything that I do.  In any event, let me share 4 simple things that I did intentionally.

     As I got out of my car at Wegmans this morning (I'm really not there every day!), I noticed an older woman at her car struggling with some heavier grocery bags and trying to load them into her car.  Approaching her cheerfully, I asked if I could offer some help.  She accepted and I helped her put the rest of her bags into the car and then returned the cart for her.

     This afternoon as I was coming home, I passed a school that must have just completed some type of sporting event or other function.  There were lots of cars trying to exit their parking lot.  Knowing how hard it can sometimes be to get out of a lot, I purposely stopped and allowed 3 or 4 cars to ease out onto the road.

    I attended a meeting tonight where I had volunteered to talk about the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program.  This is the program through which I've driven patients to their doctors' appointments.  More drivers are always needed so it's important to let people know the program exists and how they can volunteer to help.  I think we may have recruited at least one new person tonight.

     On my way home from that meeting, I stopped at the new Frozen Yogurt place on our Main Street to surprise my wife with a cup of her favorite flavor yogurt.  Our usual place no longer carriers her flavor, so this was a real treat.  (Of course, I got myself some, too.  No reason I can't be nice to myself!).

     None of the things I did was earth-shattering.  But here's the thing I'm really beginning to notice:  When I go through my day just trying to spread kindness wherever I am, even in the smallest of ways, the day seems to work that much better and I feel that much happier.  I think that by forcing myself to do something kind every day (by virtue of this project), I'm creating a habit, and by creating a habit, I'm changing both how I "show up" in the world, as well as how the world "shows up" for me.  Interesting to contemplate. . . 

     

A Fascinating Ride

     What an enjoyable act of kindness I had today!  It was my second chance to drive someone to a doctor's appointment through the American Cancer Society's Road to Recovery program.  My assignment was to pick up a man at his apartment a few towns away, bring him for his treatment, wait for him there, and then bring him back home.

     He was a delightful 84-year old man (I'll call him "B.") with a colorful history.  I learned all about how he and his 6 siblings were separated when his mother died very young. I heard how he learned haircutting from this father, heard about the barbershop he ran for more than 50 years, and even about some of his most famous customers (David Robinson, Jack Benny, Muhammad Ali, et. al.).  Amazingly, when we got to the doctor's office, one of his former customer's was there in the waiting room.  They exchanged fascinating stories about when barbershops were the places people went to socialize and share all the latest news and gossip.  

     B. and I fast became friends and he was so appreciative of the ride.  While in some ways it was sad to be in a cancer office with patients literally fighting for their lives, it was nonetheless affirming to realize that each has his/her own unique story if we only take the time to ask questions and listen.

My First Drive

     A couple of weeks ago I had written about signing up through the American Cancer Society to be a volunteer driver for patients who needed help getting to and from doctors' appointments.  The program is called Road to Recovery and attempts to help as many patients as possible who might otherwise have no way of getting to their appointment.  On Monday I had my program training and today I did my first "ride."

     I had been given the name and address of the woman for whom I was to drive, and according to protocol, I called her a few nights ago to confirm.  Someone else was going to drop her off at the doctor's office at 11:00, and she was expecting to be done around 4:00.  My job was to pick her up and drive her home.  I gave her my cell phone number in case she got done much earlier or expected to be much later.

     As luck would have it, my cell phone buzzed while I was having lunch with a friend.  Not expecting her to call that early, I didn't look at my phone until we were done with lunch.  Sure enough, my patient had called and was already done by 1:00!  After calling her back, I was on my way.

     When I got to the doctor's office, she was waiting patiently.  She had a walker to lean on as she moved slowly out the door and to my car.  After helping her in and folding up her walker, we made the short drive to her home.  Though I had printed directions, I had left them at home since I wasn't expecting to pick her up this early.  I wasn't concerned because I figured she could easily direct me to her house once we got to her neighborhood.  Surprisingly, she got a little confused as we got close and we had to drive around a little until she got her bearings.  I'll be driving her again next Thursday (both ways) so at least I now know where she lives!

     As I drove home after delivering her safely and accepting her appreciative thanks, I was thinking mostly about how fortunate I am to be so healthy.  As trite as it is, when people say that "if you've got your health, you've got just about everything," it's really true.  Beyond whatever form of cancer this woman had, she had so many other physical challenges as well.  Her poor eyesight, significant weight, respiratory issues, and a host of other challenges made negotiating something as simple as getting in and out of a car or walking into or out of a building extraordinarily difficult.  No doubt the routine things we take for granted as part of our daily lives present meaningful obstacles for patients like today's passenger.  I suppose the best thing I can do is to 1) help out where I can, 2) continue to take good care of myself, and 3) cherish and appreciate my good fortune.

Driving Miss Daisy?

     One of the things I've wanted to do this year is to volunteer to drive senior citizens (or others in need) to doctor's appointments or wherever else is necessary.  I knew there must be programs like this that I could work through, but didn't quite know where, so I had to do some research.  I finally made some significant progress on that front today.

     It took some phone calls and some digging, but I found that The American Cancer Society has what sounds like a well-organized program called Road to Recovery.  The program takes requests from patients who need help getting to appointments and matches them with volunteer drivers.  I've now submitted all the required paperwork for participation and am scheduled for my official training a week from Monday. After that, assuming my drivers' license check is clean (!), I'll be on the schedule as an available driver.  I'm really looking forward to it as I know how vital a service it is for people in need.  I'm sure I'll meet some interesting people as well.  I'll post more about this after I do my first "assignment." 

     So far this year, virtually all of my acts of kindness have been solo efforts of my own creation, as opposed to volunteering within a specific program or organization.  While these will likely still represent the vast majority of my acts, participating in an organized program does present some outstanding opportunities for kindness.  There are several more like these that I have in mind, though they require some work - research, applications, training, scheduling, etc. - to get started.  I'll be working on moving those forward over the next few weeks so that they can become a more regular part of my schedule.  Stay tuned for more on this . . .