Blowing in the Wind

     Wow.  Today was a really windy day in South Jersey.  In our town, it was also trash day.  This combination means that empty trash cans, as light as they are, are likely to be blown from the end of people's driveway out into the middle of the street.  And this can easily become a traffic hazard.

     Sure enough, as I was coming home this afternoon I saw just such a garbage can rolling into the street.  It would have been easy to drive around it and continue on my way; after all, it wasn't my can or even my street.  However, I figured it would be such a simple thing to pull over and take care of it.  In fact, that's exactly what I did.  I parked on the side of the road, grabbed the garbage can from the road, and put it behind some shrubs that would protect it from the wind.  

     This is one of those changes I've noticed as a result of my kindness project.  In the past, I would have left the garbage can for someone else to deal with.  Now, it's hard for me to pass up opportunities where I can help.  No one will ever know that the can was out there and no one will ever know I took care of it.  Except for me.  How many others probably drove by, like I would have previously done, and simply figured it was someone else's problem?

     It's certainly not curing cancer, but how nice would it be if everyone acted upon whatever opportunities for kindness, however small, showed up in their world?

International Relief

     I've mentioned before a pretty cool website called sparked.com that connects non-profits from all over the world with people who are willing to help out in a variety of ways.  Put simply, the non-profit posts a "challenge" they need help with, and people "respond" to challenges that fit their identified passions and skills.  I was notified of a challenge today that I was able to help with.

     The non-profit is a pretty amazing organization, based in England, called Resolve International.  It was started by a man who had been in Nepal and had seen, firsthand, the utter poverty that plagues so much of the country's people.  He created the organization to make a meaningful difference in these people's lives.  There are lots of ways people can help.  The particular "challenge" I responded to mostly had to do with providing feedback on certain aspects of his website.  

     Throughout this year so far I've come across so many truly inspiring projects being run by people literally all over the world.  These projects serve as an incredible reminder of how much compassion and generosity really exists our there, despite what the steady stream of negative news would cause you to think.  It's also a reminder to me to be proactive about filling my consciousness with the positive rather than the negative.  And there is an awful lot of positive if you go looking . . . 

Homeless At the Airport?

     Today was a long day of traveling with multiple flight delays, and I'm writing this past midnight - so I'll keep it short.  When my flight finally arrived at the Philadelphia airport it was approximately 11 pm and the airport was mostly deserted.  As I slowly made my way to baggage claim to await my luggage, I decided I'd look for someone to whom I could give one of the gift cards I usually keep with me.

     Before long, I noticed an elderly woman sitting on a bench who honestly looked like she might be homeless.  I decided she might be a better candidate for a McDonalds card than a Starbucks one.  As I approached her to offer her the card, I wasn't sure if she even spoke English.  It turned out that she did, though she spoke so quietly it was hard for me to understand her.  It took a bit for me to explain to her what it was I was giving her.  She had almost no teeth, and was dressed in rags.  I can't quite figure out what she was doing at the airport. In any case, I was able to help her understand how she could use the gift card.  She told me (I think?) that she was once an employee of McDonalds and she thanked me for the card.

     I'm sure there's a fascinating story behind this woman and how she got to be where she was tonight and in the condition she was.  Unfortunately, I was candidly too tired to spend the time and energy to learn more.  However, I was at least able to help her buy a meal that was likely much needed.

Granting a Simple Wish

     I was tied up in meetings almost the entire day today so had little opportunity to deliver one of my typical acts of kindness.  Thankfully, I always have some ideas in my back pocket, like going to one of my favorite sites, Wishuponahero.com.

     As I perused some of the wishes that had been posted, I found a woman who described the "wakeup call" her family had been given about their health.  It seems that the whole family is dealing with high blood pressure and diabetes, and the woman recognizes the need for them to improve their nutrition and to begin to exercise.  She was looking for some input and advice on these topics.

     Having been a lifelong runner, and having helped many people begin and sustain exercise programs over the years, I have many thoughts and ideas on this topic.  I responded to the woman's request by sharing a few ideas and then inviting her to e-mail me for much more detailed suggestions.  Hopefully I'll hear back from her and can offer her more assistance.

     Lest people think that being nice always involves gifts of money, granting this wish is yet another example of ways to be kind that don't cost anything at all.  More than half of my intentional acts of kindness, in fact, do not involve any financial cost, and I try to make it a point to keep a strong mix of types of acts.  There are indeed lots of ways to be kind.

Appreciating the Volunteers

     This morning, I ran one of the largest 10-mile races in the United States - the Broad Street Run in Philadelphia.  The race was capped at 40,000 people, and amazingly, it was sold out within 5 hours of entries being available on-line back in February.  As you might imagine, the logistical challenges of a race of this size are enormous; and to make it even more challenging, it's a "point-to-point" race, meaning that the starting line is 10 miles from the finish line.  

     To move 40,000 runners from parking lots to the start, check their gear for retrieval at the finish, provide safety, drinks, food, and first aid, among many other tasks, required literally thousands of volunteers.  Most of these people started their day in the wee hours of the morning and didn't finish till early afternoon.  

     Today, I made it my job to thank as many of them as I could.  This included the bus drivers, the people checking gear, those monitoring the finish line, the people handing out food after the race, and even those directing traffic.  I wanted them to know that I appreciate all that they did to make it a smooth event.  

     After the race, as we waited to get our dry clothes and personal gear from the buses where they had been stowed, I saw one man complaining loudly - he was practically yelling - about how long he had to wait to get his gear.  He was totally disgusted and was complaining to anyone who would listen.  It was fascinating to watch as he was about the only one who was complaining.  I was actually impressed with how efficient things were being handled.  It's interesting how we can each choose to see the same situation in completely different ways.  And no doubt, the way he was choosing to perceive it was likely to negatively affect how he dealt with anyone in his path, and even how he dealt with the rest of his day.  I chose kindness and appreciation and I'll bet my day was a whole lot better.

Time for a Thank You Note

     As I've written about from time to time this year, kindness and gratitude seem to go hand-in-hand.  Interestingly, both are also on the short list of what most researchers have found are the keys to happiness.  For my part, I've found it useful to occasionally think about various people in my life for whom I'm thankful, and to let them know.  Today was one of those days.

     My wife and I both went to the College of William and Mary, in Williamsburg, Virginia, and my daughter Hannah is fortunate enough to be there now.  Among the many people we met when we were there so many years ago is a wonderful couple who have been a part of both the college and Williamsburg communities since the 1970's.  They've been good friends of ours for many years and have always welcomed us to use their home as if it were our own whenever we're in town.  

     In addition to having a home away from home, it's a great comfort to know that Hannah has an adult support network in Williamsburg (together with her grandparents who are also there now!).  There's nothing like old friends who you can count on and with whom you can always simply be yourself.  Today I sent these friends a note letting them know how much I appreciate them.

Checking the Ego at the Door

     OK, this was a hard one.  Today, I wrote a very kind e-mail to someone who, quite honestly, didn't deserve it.  It really tested my ability to "check my ego at the door" and to focus on the positive.  Let me try to explain:

     Two years ago, my son Ben was in a small fender-bender in Cherry Hill.  A school bus bumped into the back of a car, which bumped another car, which bumped still another car, which bumped Ben who was stopped for traffic.  It was no big deal, the bus driver claimed responsibility, and their insurance company promptly took care of the minor damages.  Recently though, we received notice that the second person in line is suing everyone else, including Ben, and including me!

     Our insurance company has assigned an attorney to handle our defense and she has been incredibly frustrating to deal with.  Despite having told her on multiple occasions that Ben is out of the country until June, she keeps calling for him to set an appointment for depositions.  Her work is sloppy and I can never leave her a message because her voicemail box is always full.  

     In the conversation I had with her today, I let my frustration show too much. I was short and less than pleasant with her.  I really don't like working with her and I don't like her tone.  Having said all that, I did not handle the call in the most effective way.

     After thinking about it for awhile, I decided to write this woman an e-mail apologizing for the way I handled the call and pledging my cooperation on what needs to get done.  As I agonized over the best wording for the e-mail, I found myself stuck on the feeling that this woman was obnoxious, patronizing, and annoying.  She was clearly "at fault" and I had every right to feel angry with her. I felt like I needed to be honest and "set her straight."  And yet, what purpose would this serve?  Would it be more likely to help or hurt?  Would it make her more or less likely to work hard on my behalf?  Perhaps most importantly, would it be kind?

     I'm reminded of something I once read in a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer.  He was commenting on our obsession with being "right" and he posed the question, "Is it more important to be right or to be kind?"  The more convinced we are that we're right, and the more justifiable our complaint, the more we want to voice it or act upon it.  I know I'm that way.  It takes an incredible submerging of our ego to let go of having to be right.  What difference does it really make that I was "right" and this woman was "wrong?"  I still need her assistance, and I'm clearly more likely to get her best work if I focus on being kind.

     It seems to me that when deciding upon a course of action, I can be a slave to my need to be right, or I can release myself from this slavery and focus on what will spread the most kindness.  I'll be honest . . . it's much harder than it sounds.  But I'm committed to the path of kindness.

Two for One

     Today I was able to perform an intentional act of kindness, and then double it!  Let me explain:
     Every year, the Tri-State HRMA (Human Resource Management Association) holds a full day conference to provide members with an opportunity for networking and for education.  As a part of that program, I was asked to make a presentation on building a high-performance culture through organizational values.  It was my pleasure to donate my time for this, and despite being the "early-bird" presenter at 7:30 this morning, the room was so packed that we needed to bring in extra chairs.  It was fun to do, and from the feedback I heard, it was clear that members were able to take away a lot of value.  But that was just the first part.
     As a "thank you" for giving my time, Tri-State committed to making a donation to a charity of my choice.  I decided to direct their contribution to a local organization called Meals On Wheels.  Perhaps you've heard of it.  Meals on Wheels delivers nutritious, well-balanced meals to senior citizens in our county who are homebound and alone.  It's a vitally important program to help keep seniors healthy when they have no one to take care of them.
     It was great to leverage my act today by doubling its impact.  Thanks to TriState for their support.

     

Staying Consistent

     Today was my day to write to my soldier.  He's actually on leave right now for 2 weeks - back in the states with his family and fiancé - but I believe he's checking e-mail.  When I signed up to "adopt" a soldier through Soldiers' Angels, I committed to writing at least once each week.  It's a commitment I take seriously.  It's important that our servicemen and women know that we care about them and support them and nothing shows that as much as consistency.  

     Since we now know each other much better, it's way easier to have things to write about.  I've also promised him that when he returns home from his deployment in October, I'll fly him to Philadelphia so he can go to an Eagles' game with me.  It will be great to finally get to meet him in person!

     While anonymous acts of kindness definitely have their place, acts like these where a personal connection is made certainly have a different kind of reward.

Sharing the Spoils

     Just before I left for my cruise, I attended our Rotary club's annual $10,000 Raffle Dinner.  Our biggest fundraiser of the year, we sell 200 tickets @ $200 each and during the dinner we draw each of the numbered tickets.  The first and every 20th ticket wins $250 and the final ticket drawn wins $10,000.  It's always an exciting event, especially if your number makes it deep into the evening.

     Well, this year my ticket made it to the final five!  Though it was somewhat anticlimactic, the final five ticket holders agreed to split the winnings so we each walked away with $2000.  (Just for fun, the last 5 tickets were still picked and mine would have been the ultimate winner!).  

     Since it was all "found" money, here's what I decided to do with my winnings.  First, I split it 50/50 with my wife.  Then I took my half ($1000) and decided that I would use half of that ($500) for my kindness project.  With an extra $500 I figured I could do some really nice things.

     Today, I used about $82 of that money to buy diapers to be donated to Twin Oaks Community Services.  I've made contributions there before and they go to teen mothers and others who struggle mightily to make ends meet.  I was able to buy more than 500 diapers with that money.  It's fun to have a pot of money I can use to make life easier for some who are far less fortunate.