Another Ride

     Today I did another of my Road to Recovery Rides for the American Cancer Society.  I was actually driving a patient for whom I've already driven, so the routine was familiar.  While on the way to his treatment we began with the typical small talk about the storm, somehow we ended up talking more about his cancer and the doctor's prognosis that he has about a 15% chance of surviving for 5 years.  He wasn't resigned to this being a certainty, but it definitely affected his outlook on life.  

     After his treatment was over, we got on the topic of books and movies.  He is remarkably well read and he knows every movie ever made!  I think he was disappointed when we reached his home as he could have talked forever.  I had the feeling that having someone to talk with and someone who will listen was just as important as having someone to drive him.  I suppose that's often the case for many people, particularly as they get older.

Writing to Kigonya

     Awhile ago I wrote about my decision to sponsor a child in Uganda through Compassion International.  My child's name is Kigonya John, and he's 8 years old.  I recently received a letter from him (they translate our letters for each other), along with a few pictures that he drew.  It's hard to fathom just how different his life is from that of an 8 year old growing up in the US.  Tonight I wrote back to him, answering his questions, telling him more about us, and also sharing a picture of my family.

     In some ways, it seems a strange juxtaposition that I have 2 very different pen pals.  One was a 25 year old US soldier in Afghanistan who is now home and will soon be visiting me.  The other is this 8 year old Ugandan boy living in a tiny, remote village in Africa.  I wonder if I'll someday have the chance to meet Kigonya, much like my son Ben met his sponsored child in Rwanda last year (see his blogpost about that here).

Restricted by Sandy

     As virtually everyone knows by now, nearly the entire east coast has been battered by the hurricane/tropical storm Sandy for the past 24 hours and it's still going on as I write this.  Thankfully we've been totally safe and still have our power, unlike so many others.  Needless to say, it was a day spent inside, though at least it was with good friends.  With little to no chance to interact with the outside world other than through the internet, it seemed like a good day to send a book to someone.

     The other night I was with a fellow business person and I was telling him about a book that I thought he'd enjoy and get some value from.  As is typically the case, we sometimes intend to read books we hear about but then don't get around to picking them up.  Today I decided to send this person the book I had recommended to him.  Thankfully, Amazon makes this easier than ever.  He should have it by next week and I'm sure he'll appreciate its wisdom.

Kindness and Cruelty

     A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post that I called "Kindness or Cruelty?".  It was about inviting a friend to join me for an Eagles home game.  Since we're both big Eagles' fans, and the team lost a heartbreaker, it's hard to say whether I was doing my friend a kindness or providing him with cruelty.  I call today's post "Kindness and Cruelty" for somewhat similar reasons.

     I invited a good friend from Atlanta (and his wife) up for the weekend for us to enjoy the time together and for he and I to go to the Eagles' game against the Falcons.  It was definitely a kindness for him as he got to enjoy seeing his hometown team dominate the pathetic Eagles.  For me, it was cruelty, as the Eagles sink further and further into the dumps.

     To be truthful, it didn't actually bother me as much as it normally does when they play this poorly.  This is partly because my expectations are so much lower, but also because I was able to enjoy spending time with a good friend.  Obviously, that's ultimately what it's about so much more than who wins and loses.  

More Free Rice

     Today was a busy (and fun) day spent with visiting friends from Atlanta and enjoying watching Alabama football in the evening.  It wasn't until late that I got the chance to at least go to www.freerice.org to answer questions and donate some food to developing nations.  For those who many not know, this is a website where you can test your knowledge of math, vocabulary, geography and other subjects and for each answer you give correctly 10 grains of rice are donated to the United Nations World Food Program.  It's a pretty easy way that anyone can help out - even if you don't have much time (like me tonight)!

Providing Some Feedback

     From time to time I find myself in a situation where I notice something exceptional about someone but fail to mention it to them or acknowledge my observation.  I'm not sure why that is except that perhaps it can feel awkward, depending on how well I know them.  Today, I was with someone who I felt like I wanted to acknowledge, but didn't have the opportunity to do so in a personal way.  When I got home, though, I took the time to send this person an e-mail with what I had wanted to say, and I did so with a good amount of detail.

     This is an area in which I'd like to improve.  As I think about that, it occurs to me that there are really two parts to that improvement.  One part is tuning up my awareness so that I'm better at noticing opportunities to provide meaningful feedback or acknowledgment.  The other part is acting on it.  I'll work on those.

Still Writing

     I heard from my adopted soldier just yesterday that he was headed to the Philly airport (from Ft. Dix) where he and others in his unit would each be catching flights to their respective homes.  His tour of duty is now over and he'll be a civilian once again.  In fact, he's getting married this December.  While the commitment I entered into when I signed up through the Soldiers' Angels website to adopt a soldier, was that I would write once each week (and send a care package once each month) until the end of the soldier's overseas tour, I see no reason to stop writing completely, so I sent another letter (e-mail) tonight.

     I've mentioned before that we've become good friends over this past year of correspondence and I'll soon be meeting him personally (when he comes to the Eagles' game with me in 2 weeks).  I've thoroughly enjoyed getting to know him and expect our friendship to only continue to grow.  Of course he's thankfully again surrounded by family and friends and is no longer far from home and in harm's way.  Nevertheless, beyond the original "need", I find that good friendships add such a rich and wonderful dimension to our lives.  I feel enriched by knowing him and hope that he has benefitted from me as well.  I look forward to seeing that continue to grow.

Helping A Fellow Traveler

     I'm making my way home from Atlanta as I write this, sitting in the airport while my "standby" flight is delayed due to mechanical difficulties, hoping my "regular" flight isn't similarly delayed.  After I went through security and boarded the underground train that takes passengers to the various terminals, a woman asked me where she could pick up a shuttle bus to local hotels.  She was actually heading in the wrong direction!  Thankfully I've been here enough to know my way around pretty well and I was able to explain to her how to get to her destination.  I double-checked with her twice to make sure she understand my instructions before I left her to go on her way.  Had I known my flight would be delayed (meaning I had more time), I would have actually accompanied her to be sure she got to the right place.

     Interestingly, in the gate area for the delayed flight, many people were understandably concerned about missing connections.  The gate agents were working hard to accommodate everyone and they were even requesting people who were seated in the front of the plane whose final destination was Philly, to switch seats with people in the back of the plane who had connections so that they could more quickly get off the plane to rush to their next gates.  It was great to see how many people were volunteering to do so.  Further evidence that people are nicer than is commonly reported.

Presenting a Seminar

     I was in Atlanta today presenting a seminar for the clients of a friend of mine.  My friend runs an employee benefits organization that's been (and continues to be) tremendously successful.  For many years,  I've been a friend, coach, and mentor to him in the building of his operation and I'm proud to see how much he's accomplished.  Among the many things they do for their clients, the firm holds several seminars each year to expose clients to new ideas and the latest thinking on a variety of relevant topics.  My friend asked if I'd be willing to come down and present a program to his clients.  Of course, I agreed.

     The program was an offshoot of the CEO workshops I conduct on building a high performance culture.  While I would typically charge a fair amount for these types of talks, I did this one "gratis" (well, to be fair, there was some golf thrown in there too!).  In any case, it was a pleasure to be able to use my knowledge and skills to continue to benefit my friend, his organization, and their clients.  If I inspired even just a few more companies and gave them new tools to help them build first-rate, high performance cultures, then the time I gave was well worth it.

Making That Connection

     I was back on the road again today - this time to Atlanta.  I feel like I've been in airports almost every day lately.  The thing I've noticed most about traveling is the way in which, by necessity, large numbers of people need to be moved as efficiently as possible.  From what I hear from those who travel abroad, I get the sense that we do it as efficiently as anywhere here in the US.  One of the casualties of that efficiency, however, is that we can lose much of the personal touch - the human connection.  Today I tried to focus on that as much as I could.

     The simplest way to do that is to pay attention to, and then use, people's names.  Most people, whether they be ticket agents, TSA agents, or even food vendors seem to be wearing a name tag of some sort.  It only takes an extra instant to read their name and then to use it in addressing them.  They always seem to be surprised (and pleased) when I do so.  Another thing I did today was to look for individual things about people about which I could begin a conversation.  For example, the TSA agent checking my ID and boarding pass had on an unusual watch.  I asked him about it.  When I see a person with an unusual name, I ask them about its origin.  The driver who picked me up at the airport was from Bulgaria, I learned.  This gave me a chance to ask lots about how and why he came here and to show a genuine interest in his life story, not simply treat him as a driver.

     It's my supposition that most people crave some kind of individualized attention, even more so than ever before because we live in a society that values transactional efficiency.  Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is simply to recognize and take a genuine interest in another person as a unique individual.