Last Care Package

     Well, today I sent my last care package to my adopted soldier in Afghanistan.  The reason it's his last is because, thankfully, he's heading home in just 4 or 5 weeks!  I know he's eager to get back to his home in Kentucky and prepare for his December wedding.  He has lots to look forward to.

     I did a little grocery shopping for him and I filled a pretty good size box with lots of different snacks including, of course, more peanut butter.  It felt a little strange thinking this is the last time I'll do this for him.  I haven't yet decided whether I'll adopt another soldier when he gets home.  Of course, I can still send care packages to our soldiers overseas even without specifically "adopting" any of them so I may just do that for awhile. 

     You always hear stories about how much our support from home means to our troops serving around the world and I'm glad to have been a part of that support. I can also say that if most of our troops are anything like my adopted soldier, I'm proud of the job they do representing (and protecting) our country.

Being A Guest Writer

     A good friend of mine runs a company in which values are regularly discussed and practiced.  They refer to their values as "tenets" and they have 25 of them that they teach.  One of the ways they keep these tenets relevant is by sending a weekly e-mail to their staff focusing on a particular "tenet of the week."  To make things interesting, they occasionally ask a "guest writer" to author one of these weekly messages.  Today it was my pleasure to write a message for them.

     The tenet I wrote about was related to the concept of learning to suspend our judgment and become more curious.  I have a whole chapter on this topic in my book so I have a lot to say on the issue!  If you've not read it, it's the chapter called "Fundamental #30."  I won't try to explain it all here because it's well worth the full read.  In any case, I hope my message proves to be meaningful for the employees of my friend's company.

     In my business career, I had many similar opportunities to learn from others and, in turn, to share my knowledge freely as well.  There was one person, in particular, who demonstrated to me a generosity of spirit that has had far reaching impact, well beyond anything he may have contemplated or even realizes today.  His willingness to share his knowledge so openly with me caused me to "pay it forward" to many others.  In turn, each of these people has also paid it forward and I've had the opportunity to witness this firsthand. It's yet another reminder that we never really know the far-reaching impact that a simple act of kindness may have. 

Making Contact

     I did an interesting experiment today as I was traveling home from Atlanta.  I wanted to see how often I could make strangers smile by making eye contact with them and smiling.  I had some fascinating observations.

     The first thing I noticed is how few people actually make eye contact with strangers.  Some keep their eyes down or focused straight ahead, never really looking at others - kind of like many people do in an elevator.  Today I tried to look at each person I was passing. But not just look at them as an object to be observed; rather, to look into their eyes.  Some people acknowledged this and met my eyes, while others seemed to avert theirs.

     When I was really able to connect with someone's eyes and then smile at them, it most often elicited a smile back.  It got me thinking about the power of eye contact and smiles.  We probably have all had the experience that when we smile, we feel happier, even if we were in a bad mood before.  Well what if everyone smiled at each other, causing more people to smile as a result?  Wouldn't that likely cause more happiness, and in turn, more kindness?  I suspect it would.

     It was also fascinating to notice and to contemplate the way in which we can actually connect with people without ever touching them physically or even talking to them.  Simply by making eye contact, it's like a bond was created.  Perhaps this is why some people avert their eyes to avoid that contact.  Perhaps they're afraid of the intimacy that is somehow created with a stranger.  It never occurred to be before just how powerful a tool our eyes are.

Giving Directions

     I was at the Philadelphia airport this morning and as I was walking toward my gate, I saw two women of Asian descent, looking confused as they tried to figure out where they needed to go.  I stopped and asked them if they needed help.  With somewhat limited English, they indicated that they needed to get to Gate B9 (we were in the C terminal).  I was able to explain to them just how to get there and sent them on their way.

     As I reflected later, I noticed two things about this interaction.  First, I was glad that I went out of my way to notice their confusion and offer to help.  Plenty of other people may have responded if they asked for assistance, but not done anything more proactive.  Second, I realized in retrospect that I could have done more.  I could easily have walked them to the gate rather than simply pointing the direction and explaining the steps.  While I may not always have time to do so, in this particular instance, I did in fact have enough time before my flight to easily walk them to their destination and make it back in time.  

     Too often we think of these things after the fact.  Hopefully this recognition will at least make me more aware the next time I'm in a similar situation so that I can go the extra steps to be of even greater help to someone in need.

Come In Out of the Rain

     This morning we had one of those passing, scattered thunderstorms that can bring a ton of rain in a very short period of time.  I was out running a few errands when the downpour started.  It was raining so heavily that I could barely see the road.  When I returned home and began to pull into our garage, I noticed a young man standing under the overhang outside of the garage, trying in vain to stay dry.  It turns out that he was the PSEG guy (that's our electric and gas company in NJ) here to read the meter on the outside of our house.

     After I pulled into the garage, I went back to chat with him and told him that I'd leave the garage door open so that he could wait inside the garage and stay dry.  I then went inside and grabbed a bottle of cold water from the refrigerator and went back out to offer it to him while he waited.  He was quite appreciative.

     In my old company, we had a list of principles that we taught and practiced that were called our "Fundamentals."  One of them said, "Work from the assumption that people are good, fair, and honest."  Some people would have been worried about allowing a stranger to hang out in their garage unattended.  What if he stole something or broke into our house?  I don't think that way.  I'd rather start from the assumption that he's a good person and treat him from that perspective.  I had no problem being kind to him and allowing him free reign of our garage.  I believed that he would repay my trust by demonstrating his trustworthiness.  I find that when we show kindness and trust, we receive kindness and trust.

Switching It Up

     So far this year I've bought flowers a number of times and given them to all kinds of strangers - people I met in a parking lot, people working in an office, people in nursing homes, and people in hospitals, to name just a few.  I've also focused most of my acts of kindness, by design, on those outside of my family and immediate circle of friends.  Today I decided it was time to switch that up a bit and bring it closer to home - so I bought flowers for my wife.

     We all know how easy it is to take those closest to us for granted at times, and I'm no better than anyone else in that regard.  In some respects, I suppose, the stronger our home life is, the easier it is to focus our efforts outward.  And yet, in doing so, while we're able to make great contributions to others, we also run the risk of not giving enough attention to those we love and  are with every day.  Today was a day to at least put a small dent in reversing that trend.

     

Helping Out Another Family

     It's been awhile since I've granted a wish through one of my favorite sites, Wishuponahero.com.  As you may recall, this is a site that connects people who need help (wishers) with those who are able to provide that help (heroes).  To date, over 94,000 wishes, large and small, have been granted!

     Tonight I decided to help out a family in Birmingham, Alabama.  This is a single parent family with 4 children whose dryer just broke.  They needed just a little help paying for the repairs.  It certainly didn't impact me much to assist them, and yet, the impact to the family can be significant.  It was my pleasure to make a difference for them.

     Each time I go to the Wish site, I'm struck by the thousands of examples of true generosity.  Nearly always, these are strangers helping other strangers.  The heroes will likely never meet or personally know those to whom they've given help.  Their only reward is the satisfaction of knowing they made a difference.  While the daily news may be filled with stories of doom and gloom, it's my observation and experience that the vast majority of people are actually extraordinarily generous.  It's a shame our view gets so distorted by the few examples of the opposite.

Some Sad News

     I received sad news today that an old college friend of mine recently lost her husband after a bout with cancer.  It's hard to imagine what she must be going through right now as I understand that it all happened rather quickly.  While there may not be much I can do from a distance, I can at least let her know that I'm thinking of her.  I went ahead and wrote out a personal note to her which I'll get out in tomorrow's mail.  

     

Spreading Some Unexpected Cheer

     As I was coming home from Miami today, making my way through  the Philadelphia airport B terminal toward baggage claim, I noticed one of the airport maintenance (?) workers emptying trash cans into a big wheeled collection receptacle. He looked like a guy who people rarely noticed, and even more rarely acknowledged - one of those workers who sort of fades into the background.  I decided it might be nice to show him some kindness.

     I pulled out one of my McDonald's gift cards, walked up to him, explained what I had, and offered it to him.  He smiled, but looked at me with a strange, quizzical kind of expression, unsure of why I would do this.  I simply told him that I wanted him to have a nice day, and I asked him to do something nice for someone else in return.  

     I often wonder what these people (the recipients of my gift cards, etc.) tell people when they get home at night.  How do they explain what happened and how does it affect them?  I wish I could be a fly on the wall to hear that.  As with so many of these acts though, I'll never really know the impact, and have to simply be satisfied that I at least set in motion some positive energy today.

What Criteria Should I Use?

     I used one of my Starbucks gift cards today and it led to some interesting thoughts about kindness, and in particular, what criteria to use when selecting a recipient.  Let me explain what happened.

     I flew to Miami this afternoon and, after landing, headed to the car rental center to pick up my car.  I was thinking of giving one of the workers there a gift card, but wasn't sure who.  The woman who gave me the keys and paperwork was very friendly, but I decided to wait and give it to the guy who checks everything before you exit the lot.  When I pulled up, he wasn't overly friendly - not bad, just not very enthusiastic.  I asked him for some directions which he gave me, and then I asked if he liked Starbucks coffee.  When he said that he did, I gave him the card and told him to do something nice for someone else.

     As I was with him, I was really hoping that he would be particularly friendly and helpful so that I could feel like the gift card was in some way a thank you or a reward for his good service, rather than giving a card to someone who was average at best.  On the other hand, I was also thinking that I can (and should) be kind, regardless of their actions.  At some level, my kindness toward them shouldn't be overly influenced by what they are up to.  In fact, perhaps showing kindness to someone not doing anything special might be the spark that causes them to awaken to the possibilities within themselves.  Or maybe not?!

     This is an issue I've thought about a lot of times this year, and will continue to ponder as well.