First Time Flight

     This story may turn out to be one of my favorites from the whole year.  I'll write the first part of it now, and then write the rest when the story is completed in a few weeks.  It actually began a few weeks ago when I was working with a client helping to facilitate a company retreat.

     The facilitation that I was doing involved a series of exercises that took most of the morning, after which the whole company got together for lunch.  I found myself seated at a table with 8 or 10 people and we began talking about a variety of things including my crazy travel schedule of late.  During the course of the conversation, one of the young women, a wonderful person who had won an award for the best spirit in the company, revealed that she had never in her life been on an airplane!  Thinking this to be somewhat unusual these days, I asked her why.  She explained that she wasn't afraid, but just never had the opportunity.  This got me thinking of a way to change that.

     I suggested that we could easily solve that problem and offered to use some of my frequent flier miles to send her on her first trip and asked her where and when she wanted to go.  Her original thought was to visit her grandmother in Florida.  Over the next few days we discussed it over e-mail and for a variety of reasons the Florida destination wasn't working.  However, she and her family thought they might be able to pool some Xmas money and use it to surprise her mother (who also apparently had never been on a plane!)  and have her accompany the daughter on a "bucket list" trip to Vegas.

     This was too good of an opportunity to pass up, so I told her that I'd fly both she and her mother to Vegas and they could use their own money for the hotel and entertainment.  I'm happy to report that the tickets have now been purchased (I was even able to send them first class in one direction) and my new friend is set to go with her mother on a dream trip in early December.  

     This weekend my friend surprised her mother with the details of the trip.  Previously she had only let her know that she needed to take vacation days from work for the agreed upon time.  Apparently her mother was totally shocked and incredibly excited for this mother-daughter adventure.  

     Of course, never wanting to miss a pay-it-forward opportunity, I've asked (and they've readily agreed) that both mother and daughter do at least one act of kindness (beyond what they might normally have done) each day of their trip, and that they let me know what happened.  

     I'm truly excited to be able to facilitate this incredible experience for them.  On the one hand, it may seem weird that a relative stranger would offer to send them on a trip simply as a result of a casual lunchtime conversation.  But that's what's so wonderful and fun about acts of kindness.  We don't have to be constrained by "normal" rules or protocol.  We can simply see a need and respond to it.  And if we can include a pay-it-forward piece, we can start a huge wave of kindness spreading to who knows where.  After all, that's what this year has really been about.

Paying It Forward With a Gift Card

     I was at the airport this afternoon picking up my adopted soldier, Logan (who I finally got to meet in person), when I decided it would be a good day to use one of the the many gift cards I picked up earlier in the year.  As I was waiting for him in the baggage claim area, I noticed an airport employee who was there to help people with their bags.  I walked up to her and asked if she'd like the McDonald's gift card I was holding.  She looked at me a bit quizzically, but when she realized that I wasn't kidding, she smiled and accepted it.  I told her that all I ask in return is that she do something nice for someone else today, to which she replied, "OK."

     I'm finally getting better and better at remembering to include the "pay it forward" part when I do things like this.  I realize that it's not always appropriate, but whenever it is, I surely want to make that suggestion to people.  Earlier in the year, I often found myself so focused on the act, that I forgot the pay it forward opportunity until I thought about it afterward.  I'm learning . . . 

A Little More Pay It Forward

     Today was one of those days that occur from time to time where my original plan had to change.  Here's what happened:

     I was heading over to FedexOffice where I had placed an online order for some printing.  This is something I've done many times throughout the year.  I have a booklet that's about 15 pages that I give to audience members for many of my workshops.  I can easily upload the document, select from a variety of setup options, and then have it printed, copied, and bound and ready for me to pick up.  I've done this enough times that I've gotten to know the guys who work there.  I was thinking that today it might be nice to give a Chick-fil-A gift card to the guy who took care of my order as a small way to say thank you.  However, when I inspected the completed job before bringing it home, I noticed that all of the pages had been printed in reverse order!  Needless to say, they're reprinting everything and it didn't feel appropriate to offer a thank you gesture.  So I moved to Plan B.

     I needed to pick up something at Target so I figured that I would pick a stranger in the parking lot and offer them the gift card, at which point I could also create a nice pay-it-forward opportunity.  Parking lots are great for this type of thing because there are lots of people coming and going.  

     I picked out a woman and her teenage daughter who had just gotten out of their car and were starting to walk toward the store.  Stopping them for a moment, I approached the woman and asked her if she and her daughter liked Chick-fil-A.  She gave me a hesitant, quizzical look and offered a tentative "Yes . . ."  I then asked her if she'd like to have the gift card.  Looking at me warily, she seemed to be trying to figure out what to make of me, or if this was some kind of trick.  That's when I explained that the only "catch" was that they had to do something nice for someone else in return.  That brought a big smile to her face as if now she understood what was going on.  She said "Sure.  That's so nice," as I presented her with the card.  I'd love to know what she and her daughter chose to do.  I'm sure they told their family and friends about the strange thing that happened to them in the Target parking lot today!

     As I've noted many times, the pay-it-forward concept is so wonderfully simple, and yet powerful.  I think of it almost like starting a wave that can build and build and perhaps be felt many miles away.  A simple gesture like a gift card can set in motion a series of kind acts that could number in the hundreds or even thousands if each person pays it forward and requests the next person to do the same.  That's pretty powerful.  And that's why I'm trying to put in that specific pay-it-forward request as often as I can remember (and when appropriate).

Paying It Forward, Southern Style

     I was in Delray Beach, Florida this afternoon and I had a little time before meeting a client for dinner, so I decided to go for a walk along the main street here called Atlantic Avenue.  Since I was feeling a bit hungry, I popped into a Ben and Jerry's ice cream shop for a pre-dinner "hold-me-over."  Since the shop was fairly quiet in the late afternoon, I figured I might just try out my "pay it forward" routine in the South.

     The man at the counter was a friendly guy with a British accent.  After scooping me out a cup of cookies and cream ice cream, he was about to ring up the bill when I asked him if he'd do me a favor.  I told him that I wanted him to charge me for an additional cup, and that he should choose a customer this evening to receive a free cup of ice cream courtesy of a stranger.  I then  requested that he ask whoever he chose to do something nice for someone else in exchange.  "Ah, a random act of kindness," he said.  "I can definitely do that."

     It occurs to me that skeptical people might suspect the man could just keep my extra money and never offer the gift to a stranger.  I suppose that could certainly happen, but I have much more faith and trust in people than that.  Though I'll never know for sure, I'm confident he'll happily carry out my request.

     I'm getting better and better at remembering to include that "pay it forward" component.  It definitely makes it more interesting, and more importantly, it makes it more likely to spread kindness further.

     

Transferring the Act

     I was coming home from Cleveland today and as I got to the Philadelphia airport I was thinking about giving someone a Starbucks gift card, but I couldn't decide who.  To be honest, I wasn't even sure what criteria I would be using, other than finding someone that felt "right."  After considering (and deciding against) a number of people, I settled on a woman who was working the information desk in the F terminal.

     The woman was seated behind a big semicircular counter.  As I approached her, I asked her if she liked Starbucks coffee.  Her first response was, "No, we don't have that here."  She thought I was asking if there was a Starbucks in that terminal.  I tried again, explaining that I wanted to know if she personally enjoyed Starbucks coffee.  To this she responded, "No, I don't drink coffee.  I just never liked it, though I do like coffee ice cream."  

     I shared that I don't like coffee either, but that I had a Starbucks gift card that I had intended to offer her.  "I have a good friend who would love it," she informed me.  So I said that I would make her a deal.  I'd give her the card to give to her friend, as long as she explained that it was from a stranger and that, in return for accepting the card, she had to do something nice for someone else.  The woman promised that she would convey that message, but she let me know that she would have no way of knowing whether or not her friend had complied.  Her friend was a pretty nice person though, she added, and probably would do it.

     It was a rather interesting exchange and was yet another reminder that you  never know precisely what you're going to get in any interaction.  Still, I'm finding it fun to push harder on the "pay it forward" requests.  It gives a whole different flavor to the conversation, and it's a flavor I like.  Most importantly, it has to increase the likelihood that more kindness will spread as a result.

Don't Forget the Pay It Forward

     Today was about as spectacular a day as one could possibly hope for - perfect temperatures, blue sky, slight breeze.  Awesome.  I was on my way home from some errands early this evening and I figured I needed a Rita's Water Ice.  If you've never tried Rita's, you should.  Great stuff.  Anyway, as I pulled into the parking lot, I decided that Rita's would be the scene for today's act of kindness.

     I was the only customer there at the time.  I ordered a large cup of raspberry lemonade water ice (I highly recommend that one) and was served by a smiling young man who wore a badge announcing that his name was Hunter.  When Hunter handed me my water ice, I told him that I needed some help.  I explained that I wanted him to charge me for a second water ice, and that I wanted him to choose a customer tonight to receive a free one courtesy of a stranger.  He smiled excitedly, anticipating the fun he'd have doing that.  "Anyone?", he asked.  "Yes," I said.  "Pick anyone you want and just let them know it was paid for by a stranger."  He assured me that he'd pick someone good.

     I walked back to my car, satisfied that Hunter was going to have some fun with this one; but as I sat there for a moment enjoying my water ice, it occurred to me that I had once again missed out on a potential "pay it forward" opportunity.  So I got out of the car and went back to talk to Hunter again.  I told him that there was one other thing we need to do.  "When you pick the person and give them their free water ice," I explained, "ask them in return to do something nice for someone else."  Hunter seemed to love that idea and he confirmed that he could definitely do that.

     It's such a small extra step, but what a difference it can make.  It's certainly possible that a recipient of an act of kindness might, on their own, choose to pay it forward.  But specifically asking them to do so must surely increase the likelihood manyfold.  And just imagine that they ask the same of the next person and so on and so on.  Of course, that's the whole idea of the "pay it forward" concept.  It's one of the simplest, yet most powerful ideas I've ever heard for spreading kindness in the world.  

     I want to be better about remembering to include this component as often as is reasonably appropriate.  I'm glad that when I thought of it tonight, I got back out of my car and acted upon it, rather than simply figuring I'll do it next time.  

     

Being A Guest Writer

     A good friend of mine runs a company in which values are regularly discussed and practiced.  They refer to their values as "tenets" and they have 25 of them that they teach.  One of the ways they keep these tenets relevant is by sending a weekly e-mail to their staff focusing on a particular "tenet of the week."  To make things interesting, they occasionally ask a "guest writer" to author one of these weekly messages.  Today it was my pleasure to write a message for them.

     The tenet I wrote about was related to the concept of learning to suspend our judgment and become more curious.  I have a whole chapter on this topic in my book so I have a lot to say on the issue!  If you've not read it, it's the chapter called "Fundamental #30."  I won't try to explain it all here because it's well worth the full read.  In any case, I hope my message proves to be meaningful for the employees of my friend's company.

     In my business career, I had many similar opportunities to learn from others and, in turn, to share my knowledge freely as well.  There was one person, in particular, who demonstrated to me a generosity of spirit that has had far reaching impact, well beyond anything he may have contemplated or even realizes today.  His willingness to share his knowledge so openly with me caused me to "pay it forward" to many others.  In turn, each of these people has also paid it forward and I've had the opportunity to witness this firsthand. It's yet another reminder that we never really know the far-reaching impact that a simple act of kindness may have. 

Paying It Forward With Yogurt

     I spent a beautiful afternoon in the Cleveland area on Thursday.  I had completed my morning talk and had a little time before my next commitment so I was looking for somewhere to "hang" for a little while and enjoy the sunshine.  Discovering a fabulous "Main Street style" shopping area, I wandered  in and out of shops, sat on some benches, and eventually found myself at a frozen yogurt place called Menchies.  After getting myself a nice treat, I bought a $5 gift card and decided to look for someone to give it to.

     It's always interesting to try to pick someone to surprise with a gift.  I usually try to find someone who is alone since it would feel weird to give something to one person, but not the others with whom they may be traveling. I also try to pick someone who might be surprised, but not put off by my offer.  

     After a little while of wandering, I saw a woman sitting on a bench by herself.  I walked up to her and explained that I had a gift card for Menchies and I asked her if she'd like to have it.  Looking at me with some confusion, she was speechless at first, but then said, ". . . Really??".  I responded that my only condition was that she do something nice for someone else, and I asked her if she would do that.  When she said, "Definitely", I gave her the card and wished her a great day.

     The rest of the afternoon, I had such a strong sense of how good (my) life is.  It was a beautiful day, the sun was out, I was in a gorgeous place, I had just spread some kindness with a  "pay it forward" component, and I was getting ready to spend the evening with some great friends.  No worries for me.  It doesn't get much better . . . 

An Anonymous Gift

     There are lots of good books I've read over the years and it's always fun to compare notes with people about some of their favorites, particularly the ones that have been most influential for them.  When I find a book that I especially like, it's fun to give it to people as a personal gift.  Today I decided to send one to someone anonymously.

     The book I chose to send this time is a great book that was written back in 1995 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen (the Chicken Soup for the Soul guys).  Through lots of inspiring stories, the authors explore the power of asking for what we want in life.  They examine some of the reasons we typically don't ask, and provide plenty of ideas for overcoming this tendency.  It really is an amazingly simple, yet powerful concept.  I'd highly recommend it for anyone.

     Anyway, I ordered a copy of the book on Amazon and had it sent as a gift to someone I know.  I included a note saying that it was a gift from an anonymous friend, and I also added the line, "What can you do to make someone else's day today?" (That's my pay-it-forward reminder).  The person I sent it to is someone I only know very casually and will likely have absolutely no clue who the anonymous friend is.

     As usual with these types of acts of kindness, I'll likely never know how she reacted, but I have faith that she'll be positively affected by the book itself as well as the anonymous gesture; and hopefully she'll pay that kindness forward into the world.

Doubling the Kindness

     I promise this will be the last story related to bringing my daughter home from college.  As we've done before, we rented a minivan for the trip so that we'd more easily be able to fit everything in one vehicle.  We arrived home last this afternoon and after emptying out the van, I headed to the rental car place to  handle the return.

     The woman at the rental car counter was particularly pleasant so I decided I might use one of my gift cards for her.  When I noticed that she had a cup of coffee behind her that was from Starbucks, I asked her if she liked going there.  Following her affirmative answer, I presented her with a Starbucks gift card.  She was quite surprised and commented that it was so nice of me.  I told her that my only request was that she do something nice for someone else today, to which she readily agreed.

     As I've noted before, I'm trying to be better about gently suggesting a pay-it-forward notion to recipients of my acts of kindness, wherever it feels reasonably appropriate.  In this way, I can at least double the kindness that gets put out into the world from each act.

A Little Experiment

     From time to time I've mentioned in my posts the "pay it forward" concept.  The idea is quite simple:  rather than paying someone "back" for a kindness done to you, you can pay it "forward" to someone else; and if everyone did this, kindness would rapidly spread in a viral fashion.  Most of the time, I've simply done my act of kindness and have hoped that the recipient might consider doing something nice for another in return, though I've rarely suggested it explicitly.  A few times I've included a note that asked the question, "What can you do today to make someone else's day just a little bit brighter?"  That's as close as I've come. 

     Since this year is about trying different things and seeing what happens, I thought I might try a little experiment to see if I could more overtly suggest paying it forward, without ruining the essence of my act of kindness.  I conducted my first such test today.  Here's what happened:

     On my way home this evening I stopped at a 7-11 store to buy a bottle of Gatorade.  After my purchase I was standing in front of the store opening my drink when a woman pulled into the parking lot.  By her dress, she looked like she might be a nurse just getting off work.  I pulled out one of my Dunkin' Donuts gift cards (there was one right next door) and asked her if she'd like a $5 gift card to Dunkin Donuts.  She smiled and looked at me a little quizzically.  I told her that my only condition was that she do something nice for someone else today.  She answered, "I'll definitely do that.  I'm a really nice person" and she gladly took the card. 

     Obviously I'll never know whether or not she actually carried out her promise, but the fact that I asked and that she said she would certainly have to increase the odds pretty significantly.  I'm pleased to see that it was easy to make that stipulation and I didn't feel like it lessened the "purity" of my act of kindness in any way.  I think I'll continue to try to add this element to as many of my acts as is reasonably appropriate.

Paying It Forward

     Many years ago, I was introduced to a man who ran a very successful and innovative employee benefits agency in Seattle.  He was kind enough to invite me out for a visit and to freely share with me virtually everything he was doing.  I was deeply appreciative of his generosity, and my way of paying the debt forward has been to be as generous with others as he was with me. Whenever possible, I've tried to go the extra mile to share whatever knowledge, wisdom, and insights I may have gained - without being overly concerned about how, or even if, I was going to be compensated.  While I, of course, can't always work for free (especially since I'm now doing consulting in an "official" capacity), I still try to share as liberally as I can.  This morning was one of those times.

     A good bit of the traveling I've been doing lately has been related to my role as a "resource speaker" for an organization called Vistage.  The world's largest CEO peer group organization, Vistage is set up around groups of 12-18 members who meet monthly, in cities throughout the world, to listen to speakers and share business challenges and advice.  As an approved resource speaker, I deliver 3-4 hour workshops to many of these groups.  Based around the material in my book, I teach CEO's how to develop a high-performance culture in their organizations.

     This morning, some of the local Vistage chairs held a marketing event to give prospective new members an opportunity to experience a small "taste" of what a Vistage meeting is like.  I was asked, on a pro bono basis, to deliver a 45-50 minute program that would demonstrate the value of Vistage membership.  It was my pleasure to say "yes" and I conducted that program this morning.   From the comments I heard afterwards, I was able to hit precisely the mark that Vistage was aiming for.  

     This kind of sharing almost always become a win-win.  While members get great take-home value from my talk, inevitably some good things end up occurring for me.  I think, in some perhaps unexplainable way, this is the world's way of keeping things in balance.  As has been said in so many different ways by so many different people, the more you help others, the more you get in return.

Surprise in the Mail / Paying It Forward

     A number of years ago I saw the movie Pay It Forward, and it instantly became one of my favorites.  The movie, starring Kevin Spacey, is based on a book that was written by Catherine Ryan Hyde about a middle school student who, as part of a school project, starts a movement where people repay kindnesses by doing something nice for 2 other people, thereby "paying it forward" rather than paying it "back."  It's a brilliant idea on so many different levels and I've been thinking lately about how I can inject a little more "pay it forward" into some of my kindness acts.  I was able to do that, albeit in a subtle way, today.  Here's what happened.

     I decided I would take a couple of the Starbucks gift cards that I had purchased almost a month ago and anonymously use them to spread some good will; but I wanted to include a "pay it forward" element.  So I went to my computer and typed a note that said: "Please enjoy this small gift from an anonymous stranger simply wanting to spread more happiness and joy."  Then I added the following line on the bottom of the page: "What can you do today to make someone else's day just a little bit brighter?"  I printed off 2 copies of the note, folded each one into an envelope together with a Starbucks gift card, put a stamp on them, and got into my car.

     I wanted to mail the envelopes to 2 random people so I drove through town and simply picked two houses by chance.  I addressed each envelope to "Resident" and wrote the addresses I had chosen, with no return address, and then dropped them off at the post office.  I have no idea whose houses they were and probably will never know how they react; but I'm hoping it made each of their days a little better, and that they might choose to pay it forward in some way by making someone else's day a little brighter.

     Earlier today, I was talking about my project with someone and they commented that it would be great to be able to trace what happens with all these acts of kindness and how it impacts people.  While I certainly do think about that, and it would be fascinating, and perhaps even satisfying to know, I've really tried to let go of any attachment to results.  I've already seen how people can react so differently to the same situation, but trying to make sense of their reactions isn't my objective.  My two main goals remain to 1) cultivate a heart of kindness by doing daily intentional acts of kindness for their own sake, and 2) observe, reflect, and record what I learn, mostly about myself, in the process.  If I do have a third goal, it's to inspire others, principally through my blog, to increase the kindness they put into their own worlds.