Positive Energy

     As you might imagine, the article that appeared in yesterday's Philadelphia Inquirer (here's a link to it), generated a pretty significant response.  I've had quite a number of e-mails, calls, and messages from people, many of them strangers, who seemed to be touched by my project.  It's yet another reminder to me that most people are inherently good, and that kindness strikes a resonating chord inside almost all of us.

     One of the e-mails I received was from a local woman who noted that the article really spoke to her and wanted to know if I would be willing to get together with her as she really wanted to talk and compare notes.  I know from experience that it takes a certain amount of courage to reach out to a total stranger and request a meeting.  Understanding this, I try to be as approachable and accommodating as I can, and I try to respond in a personal way to everyone who writes to me.  After all, shouldn't kindness start right there - when people are actually asking for help?  I offered this woman some times that I would be available and we met this morning.

     We had a thoroughly enjoyable conversation getting to know each other and I suspect, as is most often  the case, that we both benefited from the experience.  Without trying to get too spiritual here, and without even truly trying to understand it, I do think that when like-minded people share time together, a certain type of positive, reinforcing energy is spread.  It's as if both people are strengthened in their resolve.  I suspect this is why it's so energizing to be with a group or a team or an organization where people share a common commitment.  When that commitment is to kindness, it can be powerful indeed.

Bringing Smiles Across the Sea

     Earlier this year, I mentioned a website I had discovered that facilitates the process of writing to children with severe illnesses.  For many of these children, having a pen pal, or receiving a letter or package in the mail can really brighten their day.  The site, based in England, is called PostPals.  (When you write to a child, whether by e-mail or snail mail, it gets delivered to a different address and then forwarded to the appropriate person.  This is obviously for security/privacy reasons).

     Today I decided to write e-mails to 2 different children.  The website tells about their family and their interests so it's reasonably easy to make conversation related to their interests.  I also told them a little about my family so they can feel a more personal connection to me.  I hope that my e-mail made them each smile a little more today.  I also hope they'll write back to me so that we can begin to correspond more regularly.  

      Speaking of e-mails, I also exchanged e-mails with my adopted soldier in Afghanistan today.  He received the package I sent last week and was particularly excited to get the peanut butter I sent to him!  You never know what little things people will miss when overseas.  He's also from Kentucky and is a big University of Kentucky basketball fan, so he's one happy soldier right now.  It's been so great to get to know him over the past months.  I can only imagine how important these connections are when you're so many miles from home.

Meaningful Notes

     The other day I heard the sad news that a friend's father had passed away after an up and down battle with a serious illness.  Today I decided to send my friend a rather lengthy note of sympathy.  In my note, I talked about the things I remembered most about his father and I described my observations about, and respect for, the relationship that the two of them so obviously shared.  They really did appear to have a very special bond.

     I know from experience that heartfelt and sincere hand-written notes can mean so much to people.  I'll sometimes hear a story years later of the impact a note had and how it was saved and cherished by the recipient.  My wife is particularly good at doing these notes and it is quite meaningful for people.

     In contrast, one of my biggest pet peeves is the standard card that's so often sent with no note and sometimes not even a signature.  This habit is on display at its worst during the December holidays.  I'm amazed at the number of cards we get with no note or signature.  It makes me feel like the sender merely crossed off "send out cards" from their "to do" list, almost as if it were an automated process with minimal human intervention.  Many times this takes the form of a family photo, especially of the kids.  To be sure, I'm not against seeing the family. I just want to know that they actually thought about me personally for a moment or two.  Nothing shows this more than a thoughtful, hand-written note.

Some Reflections

     I spent a couple of hours this morning working with a friend to help him get greater clarity around some challenging business questions.  This was a continuation of some work we had done previously and, though we're making progress, there's more left for us to do.  This type of mental work can be very tiring, but the ultimate result can be very rewarding.

     As I began this project more than 3 months ago, it hadn't really occurred to me how totally different my acts of kindness might be.  I don't think I really gave it much thought.  As I look back now though, I'm struck by the amazing variety of types of acts.  I've shoveled snow and picked up garbage.  I've written thank you notes and sent people books.  I've given flowers and gift cards to strangers and I've baked cookies.  I've made dinners and I've anonymously bought people dessert.  I've helped seniors and I've bought supplies for teen mothers.  I've delivered hot chocolate to school crossing guards and I've produced PowerPoint flash cards for a teacher.  I've adopted a soldier and I've written to sick children.  I've driven patients to their doctors' appointments and I've given directions to strangers.   

     Each has its own feeling and provides its own satisfaction.  Using my brain, like I did today, is rewarding for me because I get to employ one of the skills that I've cultivated over time.  And yet, in a totally different way, shoveling a neighbor's driveway was equally rewarding because it really saved them significant hardship.  Giving flowers to a stranger is fun because it unexpectedly brings a huge smile; while sending a book anonymously is exciting just to imagine the reaction it likely created for the recipient.  

     I suppose what I'm enjoying most is the total freedom to do whatever strikes me as appropriate on any given day, with no particular agenda or point to prove, other than to spread kindness wherever I go.

A Happy Meal

     A few weeks ago, I added some McDonald's $5 gift cards to my card collection (I also have some for Starbucks and for Dunkin' Donuts), but I hadn't used any of them until today.  It just seemed like a good day to spread a little cheer with a Happy Meal, though I wasn't quite sure to whom I wanted to given one.

     After I played golf today, I went through a car wash and thought about giving one to the guys who finish drying the cars.  It felt kind of awkward, however, because there were a bunch of workers and I didn't want to single out just one.  Since I was next headed to 7-11 for a Slurpee, I decided I would pick someone there to be my recipient.  As I sometimes do, I tried to find someone who wasn't like me.  I find that this helps me to work on being less judgmental as it forces me to connect on a more personal level with someone who looks different.  

     Standing in line at the counter in front of me was a young man who was probably about 18-20 years old.  He was dressed in all black, had 2 very large earrings, and had several visible tattoos.  I figured he was my guy.  As I exited the store I saw him standing in front, perhaps waiting for someone, while texting or reading messages on his phone.  I asked him if he'd like a gift card to McDonald's (which was just across the street, by the way).  He replied with a "Sure", and "Thanks" after I gave him the card and wished him a good day.  

     Afterwards, I was thinking about how I would characterize his reaction.  Frankly, he didn't seem all that surprised, or at least didn't show it.  He was more matter of fact than anything.  As I pulled out of the parking lot a minute later, he did give me an extra nod of thanks as if he was just then realizing that it wasn't a trick or gimmick or anything else.

     As I've noted several times before in this blog, I try not to have too many expectations for people and thus try not to judge their reactions as good or bad, or judge events as successful or unsuccessful.  Rather, I simply want to do nice things and then notice, record, reflect, and write about what happens.  While it certainly would be wonderful if someone is blown away by some gesture and chooses to pay it forward thus beginning a chain reaction of kindness, it's also totally fine if the only thing that occurs is that someone had a better day than they would have otherwise had were it not for my intentional act of kindness.  

Lots of Ways to Help

     As I've mentioned in several previous posts, I've been fascinated by the proliferation of websites that help to connect volunteers with people in need.  This evening, I was doing some research and came across a site well worth checking out.  It's called Help from Home, and features links to tons of other sites where you can volunteer for as little as 5 or 10 minutes right from your own home and still make a difference in the world.  It's amazing to see the variety of activities/projects that are available.  I signed up to help with 3 different projects:

1. The first one is called LibriVox and is an organization where volunteers read and record books for people to enjoy in the public domain.  I've volunteered to be a reader and look forward to doing my first book.
2. The second one is called BookShare.  This is a site that helps to make books available to those with visual impairments, physical disabilities, or reading disabilities.  I've volunteered to help proofread digital books for quality.
3. The third one is called English Out There.  This organization helps people all over the world to learn to read and speak English.  I've volunteered to have actual conversations with people, using Skype, so that they can practice their English by speaking it with someone for whom the language is native.  

  The opportunities to make a difference for others are literally endless.  Sometimes it just takes a little research to find ones that are suited to your skills, interests, and time - but they're out there.  The internet really does bring the world closer.

An Easter Play

     The other day I heard from my cousin that her two daughters were going to be performing in a children's musical, relating the Easter story, at their church this weekend.  As it turns out, my cousin was actually the "director" of the production as well, so it was not to be missed.  My wife and I went to the show's "premier" this evening.

     The children and families had worked hard over the past 5 or 6 weeks to learn their lines, rehearse the music, and build the set.  The show was your usual children's production with the expected mix of kids of varying talent and levels of confidence.  They clearly all enjoyed it and were excited to be showing off for their parents.  I was glad to be there to support my cousins and enjoyed the chance to talk with them after the show.

     It's fascinating to think about all the rituals like these that have been going on for generation after generation.  Whether they're plays or concerts, baseball games or track meets, kids are performing and parents, relatives, and friends are turning out to demonstrate their support.  It's a shame to think of those children who don't have that support that we take so much for granted.  It reminds me that I should be there as often as I can.

Helping a Neighbor

     As I was running through town this morning, on the way to the high school track for a workout, I noticed a house that had an accumulation of newspapers sitting at the end of the driveway near the street.  There were probably 5 or 6 different papers, looking somewhat yellowed in clear plastic sleeves, as if they may have been there for some time.  My first reaction when I went by was that the family must be on vacation and had not arranged to stop the deliveries nor had contacted a neighbor to take care of retrieving the papers.  We've had a rash of home burglaries in our town lately and I know that a bunch of newspapers piled at the foot of a driveway is a good clue for people that no one is home.  I decided that I would swing by later and if the papers were still there, I'd pick them up.

     Several hours later, as I was out doing an errand, I drove by to check on the house.  Sure enough, the papers were still sitting there.  After pulling into their driveway, I went ahead and gathered all the papers and brought them to the side of the house, leaving them by the garage doors, out of view from the street.  I'll make a point to go by again in another day or two.  If more papers are accumulating, I'll also let the local police know to check in on the house.

     This is one of those places where I notice a big difference in my mindset as a result of this project.  In the past, I'm sure I wouldn't have gone out of my way to address this situation, given that I don't know these people at all.  Now though, I'm much more aware of the opportunity to address any need that I see, regardless of whether or not I know the people.

A Stronger Connection

     Today was the day for me to send my monthly care package to my adopted soldier in Afghanistan.    As you may remember, for the first 2 months, I didn't hear anything back from my soldier.  When it came time to send him care packages, I didn't know what he wanted/needed and so I sent pre-made packages through the Soldiers' Angels website.  Now that we're in regular communication, today's experience felt entirely different for me.

     Earlier this week I sent an e-mail to my soldier (I'll call him "L.") asking what he'd like to have.  The two things he asked for were powdered drink mix (like Kool-Aid) and peanut butter.  He said they have plenty of water, but it's nice to taste some flavor once in a while.  Off to Wegman's I went.

     I picked up a couple of different types of drink mix (Kool-Aid and lemonade), as well as some various breakfast bars for snacks.  Then I got a jar of peanut butter as he had requested.  When I got home, I packaged everything together along with a copy of my book (L. mentioned that he wanted to read it), taped it up, and went to the post office.  Other than filling out a customs form, I learned that there's actually nothing different about sending a package to a soldier overseas than sending one to a friend or family member in the States.  

     It really did feel completely different to be shopping for specific things that I know L. wants and would appreciate, and then going through the process of mailing them off myself.  I definitely felt much more connected to him in a positive kind of way.  While ordering a package over the internet is certainly convenient, it left me feeling detached.  Of course, not known anything about L. also no doubt contributed to this feeling.  Either way, it's great to know that he'll soon be getting a care package of just what he wants.

Paying It Forward

     Many years ago, I was introduced to a man who ran a very successful and innovative employee benefits agency in Seattle.  He was kind enough to invite me out for a visit and to freely share with me virtually everything he was doing.  I was deeply appreciative of his generosity, and my way of paying the debt forward has been to be as generous with others as he was with me. Whenever possible, I've tried to go the extra mile to share whatever knowledge, wisdom, and insights I may have gained - without being overly concerned about how, or even if, I was going to be compensated.  While I, of course, can't always work for free (especially since I'm now doing consulting in an "official" capacity), I still try to share as liberally as I can.  This morning was one of those times.

     A good bit of the traveling I've been doing lately has been related to my role as a "resource speaker" for an organization called Vistage.  The world's largest CEO peer group organization, Vistage is set up around groups of 12-18 members who meet monthly, in cities throughout the world, to listen to speakers and share business challenges and advice.  As an approved resource speaker, I deliver 3-4 hour workshops to many of these groups.  Based around the material in my book, I teach CEO's how to develop a high-performance culture in their organizations.

     This morning, some of the local Vistage chairs held a marketing event to give prospective new members an opportunity to experience a small "taste" of what a Vistage meeting is like.  I was asked, on a pro bono basis, to deliver a 45-50 minute program that would demonstrate the value of Vistage membership.  It was my pleasure to say "yes" and I conducted that program this morning.   From the comments I heard afterwards, I was able to hit precisely the mark that Vistage was aiming for.  

     This kind of sharing almost always become a win-win.  While members get great take-home value from my talk, inevitably some good things end up occurring for me.  I think, in some perhaps unexplainable way, this is the world's way of keeping things in balance.  As has been said in so many different ways by so many different people, the more you help others, the more you get in return.