Expressing Sympathy

     I received word this week that a friend of mine had lost her mother over the weekend.  I made sure to send her a handwritten note, expressing my sympathies and letting her know that I was thinking of her.  

     Much has been written over the years about death and the varied rituals that surround it.  Every culture is obviously different in how it treats death and the lack of any consistent approach can leave us feeling pretty awkward and uncomfortable.  I imagine that in societies where elderly people routinely live with their children until they die, death becomes somewhat more accepted as a normal part of the "cycle of life."  However, in our current American culture, many of us (myself included for sure) have very limited exposure to people dying and therefore struggle to know how to handle it in our own families as well as how to support our friends.

     What do you say to someone who's lost a loved one?  How much do you smother them with attention and how much "space" do you give them?  Of course, everyone's needs are different and there can be no blanket rule that works for all people.  I've found that I just make sure that I send a handwritten note and that I write at least a few meaningful sentences of support, letting them know they're in my thoughts.

Meaningful Notes

     The other day I heard the sad news that a friend's father had passed away after an up and down battle with a serious illness.  Today I decided to send my friend a rather lengthy note of sympathy.  In my note, I talked about the things I remembered most about his father and I described my observations about, and respect for, the relationship that the two of them so obviously shared.  They really did appear to have a very special bond.

     I know from experience that heartfelt and sincere hand-written notes can mean so much to people.  I'll sometimes hear a story years later of the impact a note had and how it was saved and cherished by the recipient.  My wife is particularly good at doing these notes and it is quite meaningful for people.

     In contrast, one of my biggest pet peeves is the standard card that's so often sent with no note and sometimes not even a signature.  This habit is on display at its worst during the December holidays.  I'm amazed at the number of cards we get with no note or signature.  It makes me feel like the sender merely crossed off "send out cards" from their "to do" list, almost as if it were an automated process with minimal human intervention.  Many times this takes the form of a family photo, especially of the kids.  To be sure, I'm not against seeing the family. I just want to know that they actually thought about me personally for a moment or two.  Nothing shows this more than a thoughtful, hand-written note.