Back to Afghanistan

     For the past 2 weeks, my adopted soldier (I'll use his initials - "LN") has had the chance to come home for a little rest and relaxation.  He got to be with his family and his fiancé, to catch up with friends, and to do some traveling.  Now he's back in Afghanistan to complete the final 5 months of his tour.  And that means we're writing regularly again.

     I wrote LN a nice, long e-mail today and even included some family pictures. In the last message I got from him, he offered to send pictures from his break if I'd like to see them.  Of course I said "yes"! It's funny that it never occurred to me that I don't even know what he looks like, nor does he know what I look like. I look forward to the picture exchange.

     Since this would be a good time to send another care package, I also asked him if there are any specific things he'd like me to send.  Last time, based on his requests, I sent powdered drink mix, breakfast bars, and peanut butter, among other things.  I'm also going to send him the Sports Illustrated and ESPN Magazine issues featuring the NCAA basketball championship since he is a HUGE University of Kentucky fan.

     I have so thoroughly enjoyed the friendship I've developed with LN over the past few months.  I can now appreciate more fully how much it means to our troops overseas to know that we support them and for them to get regular mail and contact from home.  I'll once again put out the website address (Soldiers' Angels) for any readers who might be interested in adopting your own soldier.  As important as it is to our troops, it's also tremendously rewarding on a personal level.  

Picking Up the Trash

     Today I decided that I would look for opportunities to pick up trash whenever I walked by it.  This is an interesting exercise for several reasons.  First, you begin to notice trash in places you might not have even seen before.  It's amazing how it can blend into the background when you're not looking for it.  Second, you have to confront your typical thoughts of "Why is all this trash laying around?" and "Isn't somebody going to take care of this?"  It's amazing how often I can be guilty of assuming that it's not my responsibility and that someone will/should get it.  Ultimately, at some level, it's all our collective responsibility to keep our world clean.  Whether we should or shouldn't have to pick up the mess that someone else made is irrelevant.  It's there and we can either ignore it or we can help clean it up.  

     Obviously, I'm not intending to become a garbage man and clean up every street and sidewalk in town.  However, if I'm walking down the street and I see a piece of trash on the sidewalk in front of me, I can either ignore it or I can throw it away.  For today, at least, I focused on throwing it away.

Gatorade For The Thirsty

     I arrived at the Atlanta airport late this afternoon with plenty of time to make my 7:35 flight home to Philadelphia. After going through security, I went to look for a quiet place in the terminal to relax, catch up on e- mails, and do some reading. As I sat down in an empty gate area, I saw a woman who appeared to be a baggage handler standing by the door taking a "breather." I offered a friendly smile and asked how she was doing, to which she replied, "Fine, but it's hot out there." After exchanging some brief comments about the weather, I had an idea. 

     I picked up my things and walked to the next gate area where they were selling food and drinks. After buying a cold bottle of Gatorade, I went back to the gate and gave it to the baggage handler. "Aren't you sweet?!" she said with a smile. 

     I love doing these kinds of surprises for people. It really makes their day (and mine, too). Of course, I forgot to suggest that she doing something nice for someone else, but hopefully she'll be motivated to do so anyway. I have to get better at remembering that.

One More Time

     This feels a little light, but hey, the opportunity was there to do it again.  I was coming back through the same toll booth in Atlanta that I talked about yesterday, and figured why not take one more shot at paying for the person behind me.  And that's exactly what I did.  And like yesterday, I watched to see if there would be any reaction from the person.  

     I say this not as a complaint, but rather as an observation:  I was a little surprised that the person made no effort at acknowledgement.  If it were me, I probably would have followed the car ahead of me and flashed my lights or made some other signal of appreciation.  Quite the opposite, it seemed almost as if the car actually slowed down and drifted away in the traffic behind me.  There could be a number of reasons for this, including that they may not have noticed who was in front of them since they weren't expecting it to matter.  

     In any case, it was fun to do it, and to wonder what the person might have been thinking as the toll collector told them their toll (however small it was) had been paid by a stranger.  

Paying for the Person Behind You

     I finally got the chance to do it!  I've always heard about people paying the toll for the person behind them on a highway, but these days, with EZ Pass and other electronic payments systems, it's hard to do this.  Well today I was in Atlanta and as I headed north of the city on Route 400, I came to a toll that was $.50.  Since I don't have EZ Pass in my rental car, I pulled into the lane marked "cashier" and prepared to pay my toll.  Then I remembered that I could actually pay for someone else too.  I gave the cashier a dollar and told her that I was paying for the person behind me as well.  

     As I pulled away, I watched in the rearview mirror to be sure the next person wasn't required to pay the toll.  I was also curious to see if the driver would acknowledge the gesture in any way - perhaps a flash of the lights or a wave or anything.  They didn't, which was OK, since I certainly didn't do it for that reason.

     As with all anonymous acts of kindness, I'll never know what their reaction was when the toll collector told them their toll had already been paid.  Were they surprised?  Happy?  Did it cause them to want to do something nice for someone else?  I hope so, but I'll have to be satisfied that at least I did my little part to spread some kindness today.

Thinking of You

     This being the season of graduations, I was thinking of someone I know today whose only child is graduating high school this week and will be heading off to college in the fall.  I remember well how I felt when each of our children was graduating.  It's such a happy and sad event.  Happy of course, for all that they've accomplished and for the excitement that lies ahead of them.  Yet sad for the realization that a phase of our family's life is over.  Knowing how these emotions can be magnified when it's an only child, I reached out to this person, with a personal note, to let her know I was thinking of her. 

     I sent another note today to someone I know who recently lost a sibling.  While not wanting to compare a graduation with a death, in some way, I think it helps people to know that others are with them in spirit, sharing their experience with them.  I suppose it's part of what it means to be a community and why humans have always been drawn to community. This year, when I'm thinking of someone and what they may be going through (good or bad), I've tried to actually let them know.

Doubling the Kindness

     I promise this will be the last story related to bringing my daughter home from college.  As we've done before, we rented a minivan for the trip so that we'd more easily be able to fit everything in one vehicle.  We arrived home last this afternoon and after emptying out the van, I headed to the rental car place to  handle the return.

     The woman at the rental car counter was particularly pleasant so I decided I might use one of my gift cards for her.  When I noticed that she had a cup of coffee behind her that was from Starbucks, I asked her if she liked going there.  Following her affirmative answer, I presented her with a Starbucks gift card.  She was quite surprised and commented that it was so nice of me.  I told her that my only request was that she do something nice for someone else today, to which she readily agreed.

     As I've noted before, I'm trying to be better about gently suggesting a pay-it-forward notion to recipients of my acts of kindness, wherever it feels reasonably appropriate.  In this way, I can at least double the kindness that gets put out into the world from each act.

Graduation Photographer

     Not only was today Mother's Day, but it was also graduation day at William & Mary.  The main graduation ceremony took place in the late morning, and then each department held a separate commencement event/reception at different locations around campus at 2:30.  Since I was in Williamsburg and it was a beautiful spring day, I figured I'd wander around campus some and soak up the celebratory environment.

     Everywhere I went I saw families proudly gathered around their graduates, taking pictures to memorialize the event.  In most cases, they took turns posing in all manner of combinations of graduates, siblings, parents, and grandparents.  Usually someone had to be left out of each picture as they were the assigned photographer for that particular combination.  This presented a nice opportunity for me to help out.

     Whenever I witnessed this taking place, I stepped in and asked if they'd like me to take a picture of everyone together.  They were always so appreciative.  I'd take a couple of pictures, sometimes with multiple cameras, congratulate the graduate, and then move on to another family.  It was a joyous way to spend an afternoon.

     Beyond the pleasure of helping out all these various strangers, walking around campus on graduation day brought so many different emotions to the surface.  It was on exactly this day 29 years ago that I was one of those gradudates on this very campus.  I'll always remember the bittersweet feelings I had that day as I excitedly looked forward to the future, and yet felt deep sadness over the recognition that some of these friends I might never see again.

     As I saw each family beaming with pride as they looked upon their new graduate, I got a foreshadowing of what it will be like for me in just 2 years as my own children reach that day.  I realized that it's not really about graduating college, as for many of us this is practically a given.  Rather, it's about seeing your child become an adult.  It's realizing that in some ways it seems like it was so long ago that they were little toddlers, and at the same time it seems like it was just yesterday.  What I saw today was the immense pride that each family felt as they saw their little babies somehow magically turn into capable, successful young adults ready to take on the world.  I'm certain it's something that parents have been feeling for thousands upon thousands of years regardless of their nationalities or their cultures.  It's a truly universal experience.  Pretty humbling and amazing.

In a Tourist Town

     I came down to Williamsburg, Virginia today to help get my daughter packed up for home at the conclusion of her 2nd year at William & Mary.  Williamsburg is a pretty unique town, being such a major national tourist attraction.  The town is nearly always filled with tourists, many of whom often look confused and in need of help.  That's all the opening I needed.

     I hadn't been in town long before I spotted a woman walking around the parking lot where I had left my car, looking like she was lost.  When I asked her if I could help, she explained that she was looking for "the place near the College where all the shops were."  Knowing the town as well as I do (I went to W&M as well, and am a frequent visitor), I was easily able to assist her in getting to Merchants' Square. 

     In an earlier blog post, I wrote about how I've become much more patient this year, particularly with senior citizens, as I now seem them as people I can assist, rather than as people who get in my way or slow me down.  I noticed today that the same could be said of the tourists.  They used to be annoying  as they can clog up the town and never seem to know where they're going.  Now though, my attention is more on how I can be of assistance instead of how they can be frustrating.  As usual, it's all a question of what we choose to focus on.

Basic #14

     Those familiar with the Ritz-Carlton may know that the blueprint for their legendary service is a series of 20 behaviors they teach and reinforce known as their "Basics."  Basic #14 directs employees to "escort guests rather than pointing out directions to another area of the Hotel."  Think of the difference in how we feel when we're escorted to our destination instead of just being given a series of right and left turns.  I had a simple opportunity to practice this today.

     After finishing a round of golf this afternoon, I went to the pro shop to enter my score in the computer that tracks our handicaps.  While I was there, I noticed a man come in and ask one of the pros where the locker room was.  He said that he was a guest waiting to meet one of our members who had not yet arrived.

     As the pro was about to give him directions, I jumped in and told him that I'd take him to the locker room.  When we got there, I also arranged for the locker room attendant to find him a locker near his host, and made sure he had whatever he needed.  As is often the case with simple gestures of kindness, it wasn't a "big deal", but it certainly gave the visitor a greater feeling of hospitality than letting him wander through the clubhouse, unsure of where to go or what to do.