Anyone for Dessert?

     I was in meetings for most of today and didn't easily see an obvious opportunity for a good kindness act so I decided that I would use my dinner time at a restaurant to do something I had read once in a list of kindness suggestions. Here's what happened: 

     My plan was to randomly pick out someone in the restaurant and have a dessert anonymously delivered to their table when they finished their main course. After surveying the dining room, I chose a particular young couple that looked to me like they may have been enjoying a rare night out (perhaps even having gotten a babysitter?). I told my waitress that I had a "strange" request for her, and explained that I wanted her to pick out a dessert that she would recommend, put it on my bill, and deliver it to the couple, but that she had to keep it anonymous. 

     The waitress kept an eye on them and at the right moment delivered the dessert. Though I was admittedly curious to know their reaction, I couldn't see them and was determined to keep it anonymous. As I was paying my bill though, I did ask my waitress if they seemed surprised. She said "They didn't even ask me!". I won't even try to interpret that . . . 

     So far in these first two weeks I've done a variety of things big and small, for total strangers, and for people I know, some anonymous, and some not. Anonymous things are fun for the sheer imagination of how people might respond to totally unexpected, seemingly random kindness. On the other hand, it's also fun to create more of a "direct connection" with someone by doing something clear and obvious for them, albeit unexpected. That being said, I've resisted, and will continue to resist, the inclination to judge or evaluate what kinds of acts are best. I simply figure any extra kindness I can spread is a little more than existed in the world before.

Traveling Kindly

     I'm on the road for the next couple of days and am excited for the chance to practice traveling with a totally different mindset and attitude. Today I flew from Philadelphia to Chicago and between parking shuttles, airports, rental car places, and hotels, there was no shortage of opportunities. I'll mention a few small events here and then also comment on my observations about attitude. 
     Being amidst a sea of humanity all trying to navigate their way from some place to another place is fascinating. People struggle with their luggage, with infants, with directions, and even with schedules. It was easy to spot chances to lend a hand. I helped a couple get their things in the overhead storage bin, I helped a woman juggling food, a baby carriage, and her bags. I even got a chance to pay the toll for the car behind me (since I didn't have EZ Pass!). But the biggest thing I noticed was the impact of my attitude. 
     I was determined to take my time, "chill", and radiate kindness. I let people go in front of me. I made eye contact and smiled at everyone. I looked at people's name badges and called them by their name. I even talked to the person sitting next to me despite his long beard, bandanna, and leather motorcycle jacket. He was a really nice guy! 
     It was such a pleasant day with none of the stress and angst I usually associate with traveling. And it was all in my head. None of it had anything to do with circumstances. Fascinating. More tomorrow . . .

Thanking the Thankless

     One of my pet peeves is when I hear or read complaints about our volunteer public officials.  It's not that we shouldn't feel free to voice a dissenting opinion. That's an important part of a healthy democracy. Rather, it's the angry, nasty tone that those dissents so often seem to take - as if the officials were all part of a sinister plot to defraud the public, as opposed to dedicated volunteers who spend countless hours trying the best they can to make sound decisions despite challenging and often conflicting sets of constraints. 

     Well today I decided that it was time to add in my two cents, albeit with kindness and appreciation rather than anger and cynicism.  I decided to send handwrittten thank you notes to two different people - one an elected official and the other a Board chair of an organization of which I'm a part.  Neither gets paid a penny, and both have tremendously difficult jobs.  Too often they're bombarded with complaints.  I thought it was important they know that their efforts are appreciated.

     So many of our institutions and organizations depend upon volunteers to make them work.  Thankfully there are still people willing to step up and take on responsibility, despite the negativity that too often comes their way.  Hopefully some words of thanks can make their jobs a little more rewarding.

Saying Thanks With Bagels

     This morning I made my periodic trip to Bruegger's in Philadelphia to pick up a couple of dozen of my favorite bagels.  I know it sounds crazy to go into the city just to get bagels, but they're the best around; so occasionally I go in and get a bunch and freeze them to enjoy over the coming weeks.  As I was driving over, I had two ideas in mind to use bagels for an act of kindness and figured I'd do whichever presented itself more readily.

     My first thought was to get an extra dozen or so and see if there were any homeless people lingering around to whom I could offer some fresh bagels.  As I approached Market Street, I scanned the area to locate any homeless people.  I didn't see any in the area as I parked, but I was determined to keep my eyes out for them.  After leaving Bruegger's with my bagels in hand, I continued to look around.  Unfortunately (or perhaps, fortunately from another perspective), I still didn't see any appropriate recipients.  I suppose I could have spent more time walking a few blocks further, but I did have a "Plan B" so I got back in my car and headed for my alternative site.

     My second option was to drop off the bagels to the local police department in our town as a small thanks for their tireless, and often thankless, service.  I figured anyone who had duty on Sunday was sacrificing family and personal time and could use a nice gesture of thanks.  I took a route past the police station on my way home and pulled into the mostly empty parking lot.

     When I walked up to the front door, I found that it was locked but there was a call button next to the door.  I rang it and was connected to a central dispatcher there who asked if I needed help.  I told him that I was at the station and wanted to drop off bagels to say thank you.  He sounded pleased and said he'd let someone know that I was outside the station.  After a few minutes of waiting, the door opened and an officer appeared.  I offered him the bagels with my thanks and he introduced himself, shook my hand, and said how much he appreciated it.  With that, I headed home, glad to have spread some more kindness.

     It occurs to me that the unexpected nature of these gestures makes them all the more impactful, and fun.  I'm sure the police officer had no idea that someone would drop off bagels today, just as the school crossing guards certainly had no clue that someone would give them hot chocolate the other day.  While some of cultivating a mindset of kindness is simply about being mindful of, and courteous to others, it's nonetheless fun to spread some unexpected goodwill around the area.

Kindness in the City

     Today was an exercise in simply being aware of opportunities to be kind that are all around us.  My wife and I were going into Philadelphia to see a show, so I figured there would be lots of people around and some kindness opportunities were likely to appear if I stayed present to them.  And that's exactly what I found.

     As we left the parking garage and began the several block walk to the Academy of Music I noticed a woman looking confused and lost.  She was pulling out her tickets and kept looking at the street signs trying to figure something out.  As we approached her I asked if she needed help.  She couldn't figure out where the Merriam Theatre was and I was easily able to point her in the right direction. It wasn't a big deal, but plenty of other people also probably saw her confused expression and didn't bother to offer help.  Truth be told, I probably wouldn't have in the past either.

     Minutes later, still not having arrived at our destination, a shabbily dressed man approached us selling some kind of newspaper for a dollar, saying that the money went to support the homeless.  In the past, I would have put my head down and ignored him.  Today, I told him that I didn't want the newspaper but would gladly give him a dollar to support the homeless.  He seemed appreciative as we engaged in a brief conversation.

     It seems to me that beggars and other solicitors present an interesting dilemma as it relates to kindness.  I can always question whether I'm helping or enabling, I can wonder whether they're legitimate or a scam, and I can get involved in the endless debate over whether I should have given $5 or $10 or much more, instead of a simple buck.  I don't honestly know the best way to think about it, and maybe over the course of this year I'll form some logical, consistent approach.  In the meantime, though, I'd rather assume that people are legitimate, and at least approach them with an attitude of kindness rather than seeing them as an intrusion in my world.  I figure that's at least a good start.

Adopt a Soldier

     I'm sure as the year progresses, I'm going to have plenty of days where my act of kindness is really small or when nothing particularly noteworthy presents itself.  But as much as possible, I want to continue to push myself to do things, large or small, that I wouldn't normally have done in the past.  Today, I took action on something that had been in the back of my mind for some time.

     Though I've had relatively minimal exposure to military life (none personally, and only a little through various family members), I wanted to find some way to support our soldiers overseas with letters and/or care packages. I knew there were a variety of organizations whose primary purpose was this type of support, but I didn't really know where to start.  So I did what we all do these days - I googled "how do I write a letter to a soldier?"  Not surprisingly, I found lots of good resources, and after exploring a number of them, I settled on a great organization called Soldiers' Angels.  

     After reading about the different opportunities to help, I settled on "adopting" a soldier.  This requires that I send a letter at least every week and a care package at least once each month.  In one sense it's a big commitment; in another sense it's the least I could do for those who are sacrificing so much on our behalf.  Having made the commitment, I was given the name and mailing address for "my" soldier.

     I wasn't quite sure how to start off the pen pal relationship, so I figured I'd just write a letter telling him who I am, and a little about my family, and then ask him a few questions.  The website warns that in some cases you may not hear back from your soldier, so I really don't know what to expect; but they also say that we should rest assured that getting regular mail means the world to our troops who are far away from home.

     To be honest, it surprised me a little that I felt a soft spot for this soldier who I may never meet or may never even hear from.  I could picture him as I wrote, imagining that he's likely very similar in age to my own children.  I hope he stays safe and that words from home are comforting to him.  

     It's not my intention with this blog to directly recommend specific actions for those who read this, though I do hope that some might be inspired to do their own acts of kindness.  For those so inclined, I'd encourage you to check out the website and consider the possibility of helping our soldiers in this way.

Hot Chocolate on a Cold Day

     Today's act of kindness came to me while I was on my morning run, though I had to wait till the afternoon to execute it.  Here's what happened:

     It was a cold morning in NJ and the roads were actually covered with a coating of snow as I headed out for my run.  Once I warmed up, I was cranking along at a pretty good pace when I came to a major intersection.  I hated the thought of having to stop and wait around for an opening in the traffic.  Just before I got there, an older gentleman, who was a school crossing guard, saw me and went out into the street to stop traffic for me!  That got me thinking . . . there are so many crossing guards around town and they're stuck out there in all kinds of weather so that our kids can be safe getting back and forth to school.  I should do something nice for them as a small gesture of thanks.

     Just before the elementary schools let out for the afternoon, I stopped by our local 7-11 and bought 3 cups of hot chocolate to deliver to crossing guards.  My first stop, of course, was to go back to the man who helped me out this morning.  He was sitting in his pickup truck, trying to stay warm until the first kids came by, when I walked up from behind.  He rolled down his window and I thanked him for his kindness this morning and offered him the hot chocolate.  He was surprised, but really pleased and gladly accepted.  As I got back into my car and then drove past him, he gave me a big smile and a "thumbs up."

    Next I headed to Main Street where I knew there would be another crossing guard.  I pulled my car to the curb, got out and approached an older woman standing on the corner with her "Stop" sign.  When I asked if I could offer her some hot chocolate, she said "No.  I don't want any."  I told her I just wanted to thank her for her service to the children, but she still didn't want the hot chocolate.  "Oh well," I thought, and headed undeterred for my next potential recipient.  

     Just a couple of blocks away I came upon another woman sitting in her car, reading a book while waiting for the kids to arrive.  When I approached, she rolled down the window and looked at me quizzically.  I explained that I wanted to offer her some hot chocolate and to thank her.  She seemed quite surprised, but also quite pleased and gladly accepted.  Her look made me think that she just might be telling that story to her family and friends tonight!

     I still had one more hot chocolate to deliver so I headed to another street where I knew there would be a crossing guard.  This time the guard was already standing on the corner as I parked my car along the curb.  I got out and offered her the drink along with some words of thanks.  She was happy to enjoy the drink and we talked for a minute or two about the challenges of being out there on some really nasty days.  When I left in my car she raised the cup to me in appreciation and flashed a big smile.

     It's fascinating to see the reactions people have to unexpected nice gestures. I suppose the fact that I look pretty friendly and harmless at least helps to disarm them a little.  Still, they don't quite know what to make of it at first.  I suspect that those who are willing to accept a kindness from a stranger, are probably much more inclined to assist another stranger as a result.  If so, we can really be spreading something.  If not, it's nice to do it anyway.

The Power of Meaningful Acknowledgement

     Those who know me best know that I do my best thinking in the shower (sorry for the image).  Well this morning I had one of those great shower thoughts that's simple, yet powerful.  And it formed the basis for today's act of kindness.  Let me share the story here.

     I've often heard it said in business that "what gets measured gets done."  I think there's a corollary to that in our personal lives: "what gets acknowledged gets repeated."  When we give meaningful acknowledgement or appreciation (specific, timely, honest), we reinforce the behavior that's being acknowledged.  Those of us who are parents certainly know this as it relates to raising our children.  The same, of course, is true for adults.

     It occurs to me that if we pay attention to instances of great works around us and we take the extra time/effort to acknowledge them in a meaningful way, we'll automatically create a wave of even more great stuff happening all around us.  Pretty easy and pretty powerful, if done with sincerity.  Today I was determined to find those opportunities and capitalize on them.  One was pretty straightforward and one ended up taking some work.

     My first opportunity came at the gym where I work out with a trainer.  I've been working with this trainer for about 2 months and he's doing a great job.  After our session was over today, I decided to let him know how much I appreciated the way he was working with me.  I was very specific in telling him precisely the things he was doing that made a real difference.  His smile made it clear how much it meant to him.  I'll bet he carried himself differently as he worked with his clients the rest of the day.

     My second opportunity was related to something that happened last night.  As I was preparing the marketing e-mail for this blog that I sent out this morning, I was struggling a bit with the software program I use, Constant Contact.  When I couldn't quite get the template to line up the way I wanted, I called their support unit (they actually have "live" support people available till 11 pm!), and spoke to a woman named Schermisia who tried to help me.  The short version of this part of the story is that Schermisia took some extraordinary steps to basically recreate my entire e-mail in another template to make it easier for me.

     My plan today was to call the President and CEO of Constant Contact, and tell her about Schermisia and the specific things she did to help me.  As it turns out, it's hard to get a hold of the CEO (Gail Goodman is her name) other than by e-mail but I figured I owed it to Schermisia to make it happen.  So I sent a long, very detailed e-mail to Gail telling her all the particulars of my experience, as well as acknowledging a number of other excellent things about Constant Contact.  In less than an hour I had a great response from Gail and we engaged in a bit of e-mail conversation (and I now have her phone number).  She appreciated my note, and assured me that Schermisia would be publicly acknowledged for her efforts.

     I certainly could have left it at the simple "thank you" I offered last night, and I didn't have to go to such lengths to deliver a bigger and more detailed acknowledgement, but I'll bet there are several people who wore much broader smiles on their faces today - and that can only be a good thing.

     

Kindness at the Grocery Store

     Rather than planning on doing something specific, today I wanted to simply tune in to the opportunities to be kind that are all around me and to respond to what I see.  A trip to Wegmans, our local grocery store provided ample opportunity to do just that.  In fact, my chance came before I even made it into the store!

     As I pulled into the parking lot on this bitterly cold and windy day, there was the usual competition to find a spot as close to the front door as possible.  As luck would have it, someone was pulling out of a great spot just as I drove down that aisle.  Also as luck would have it, someone else started to approach from the opposite direction.  Remembering my strategy from the Eagles' game on Sunday, I let them have the spot and I parked further away.  With my new attitude, it really didn't bother me at all, and to be honest, it actually felt good to let them take the spot.  But there was more to be done.

     As I was walking toward the store entrance, I saw a mother with a bundled up infant pushing her cart filled with groceries toward her car.  I immediately went over to her and asked if I could load the groceries into her car for her so that she could more quickly get the baby out of the cold.  I offered to return the cart for her as well.  It was one of those little things that didn't require much of me, yet made her life a little easier at that moment.

     After only 6 days, I'm already realizing that the fabric of this year is going to be woven from tons of small, simple intentional acts of kindness like these.  The significance of each one may be small, but the collective impact they have on me and the ripples I send out into the world will be big.  In the past, I would never have gone out of my way to help that woman (and, indeed, she did seem surprised).  But as I change my point of view, it becomes only natural to see and respond to these opportunities, and they're fun.

     By the way, I also continued yesterday's emphasis on thinking positively about everybody I came across today.  It's getting easier already!

     

A Kindness Shift

     Today's intentional act of kindness was similar to yesterday's in that it represented more of a shift in my perspective than it did a specific, noticeable act.  Already I'm seeing that acts of kindness take so many different forms and undoubtedly this year will expose me to a wide range of opportunities and types of activities.  All of them have value, though each impacts me and other people in very different ways.

     My day began at the local gym where I belong, LA Fitness.  As you might imagine, with today being a national holiday as well as the beginning of a new year, the gym was packed with people determined to start their newly made resolutions about getting back in shape.  Nearly every machine was in use, the lockerroom was jammed, and it was difficult to even find a parking spot.  This was all perfect for my plan.

     To explain this, I have to first admit to some bad thought habits.  The first is that when I see strangers, particularly when they're not like me, I almost always think negatively of them.  To be honest, I actually feel a bit ashamed to write that, as it seems so unfair and even counterproductive; but I do it nonetheless.  I form these negative judgments based on what they wear, whether they have tattoos, how they carry themselves and a host of other superficial criteria.  One of the results of this inclination to negatively judge is that I tend to stay in my own little world with minimal interaction with these people, other than the pefunctory nods and grunted greetings.

     One of my other bad thought habits is to see other people running or working out as competition.  For example, I'll see someone running and think negatively of them because they're slow or heavy or out-of-shape, as if this somehow makes me feel better or more like a "real" athlete.  Obviously this is silly, emotionally immature, and not exactly life-affirming; but I do it.

     Well today I decided it was time to change all of that.  I determined that I would look at every stranger with kind and positive thoughts.  I would make real eye contact, smile, and greet them positively.  Where the opportunity existed, I would get out of my "bubble" and initiate conversation.  Instead of seeing the newbies on the treadmills and elliptical machines as fake athletes, crowding my space and destined to give up their New Year's resolutions in a few weeks, I saw how wonderful it was that so many people were doing something healthy like working out, regardless of how long it lasted.  Any exercise is certainly better than no exercise. 

     What surprised me the most was actually how easy this was.  In fact, as I was driving home I saw a slow jogger plodding his way through town and I was quickly able to focus on how great it is to see people out running - at whatever pace they're able to go.  I'm not really sure why this was such an easy shift.  Perhaps the world is intended to be a more positive place and when we put ourselves in that zone it's like flowing with the current rather than being against it?

     Here's the most interesting recognition I had today:  I've long known that I have the power and the responsibility to choose how I want to look at any given situation, person, or event.  And I've also known that when I choose to project positive, kind, and affirming thoughts out into the world, the world will usually respond in kind.  And yet, I've too often been guilty of ignoring this huge opportunity to positively impact my own life and that of those around me.  Today was a good start in owning up to that failure and, more importantly, making the shift to kindness.